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September Sex


Is it true that orgasmic impairment is basically an emotional problem?

Yes, it is. And because of that, at the same time a woman is working on the physical part of orgasm, she should also try to set her emotional house in order. Ideally, a psychiatrist can make her job easier. But in time of disaster, everyone has to help herself. To the millions of women in America who don't have regular orgasms, orgasmic impairment is personal disaster, and they all can't wait their turn at the psychiatrist.

There are at least a hundred specific reasons why the brain-at that critical instant before orgasm disconnects itself from the sexual organs. However, there are basically three emotional conflicts that cause most orgasmic impairment. The first conflict is:


"I think I need your help. I have read every book and article on sex I could find and I have had long talks with my gynecologist, but he is very puzzled. You see, my partner can bring me to a climax with his fingers, but I never reach an orgasm with his penis. I know what I'm looking for but I just can't come the right way.

"We have tried everything-every position we could think of. Sitting, standing, sitting, laying side by side, me on top, him coming into me from behind-nothing helps. Yet I come so alive with his finger and my climax is so strong.

"Maybe this has something to do with it. When I was fifteen a boy I had been dating tried to rape me. Well, actually he did rape me. We were at his house watching television in his father's den and making out. He had his hands inside my panties and I got so excited I unzipped his trousers and took out his penis. I didn't want to have intercourse then but he sort of forced me. His parents were asleep in the next room and I didn't want to cry out and awaken them. It was over in an instant and he got so upset he began to cry. I hated him for what he did and I never wanted to see him again.

"A month later I discovered I was pregnant. Two weeks after that my mother and father insisted we get married. Would it surprise you to know that I never had an orgasm with him? My mother insisted that I try to make a success of my marriage, but two years later we got a divorce.

"Although the whole experience was frustrating, there was one consolation: it made me grow up fast. The only part I really regret is that I still don't have a climax no matter how many men I try it with.

"The one thing I want most out of sex-an orgasm during intercourse-is denied me. If I only knew why maybe I could do something about it."

Guilt over "rape" holds back orgasm. Guilt over sex out-side of marriage also takes its orgasmic toll:

"I have no qualms about 'anything goes' as long as it pleases both partners. I love to have a man excite me with his mouth as oral sex and I can hardly wait to do the same to him, but that's the only way I can come. I really want to feel a man's penis inside me when I climax, but I just can't seem to 'trip the hammer.'

"Several of my most recent lovers-all very experienced men-said I was passionate and sensual, but because I am so excited by oral-genital play, they implied there was some-thing wrong. Even with the constant excitement of new partners and many different techniques, I still can't come with the penis in me. Am I  asking too much?"

No, you're not asking too much at all. But sometimes the human mind insists on enforcing the moral code of Mother and Grandmother over the objections of the sexual organs. The usual result is an emotional compromise, like the one you know so well: "You can have all the sex you want-any way you want-just don't expect to enjoy it!"

"I hope you can settle an argument between me and my husband. I insist that a woman can be satisfied with sex even if she doesn't reach a climax-ever.

"My husband is always complaining and asking me why I never come when he does. He's afraid he's not man enough to satisfy me, but he does. I can't help it just because I don't reach a climax.

"I think I know the reason-although I don't want him to know. Before I met him I was a prostitute, and to me sex was nothing but a job. I figure I must still think of it as work, so I never have a climax."

Most prostitutes slip on a suit of sexual armor before they go to work every night. Their emotional remoteness from their customers makes their job a lot easier. But when they finally hang up their work clothes for the last time and get married (most prostitutes eventually marry) it isn't so easy to adjust. Just as the horse who draws the milk wagon is conditioned to stop at every house, the prostitute has been trained to rigorously suppress her sexual responses. Impersonating orgasm a dozen times a night (not including matiness) is one thing; accepting the sexual love of a husband can be much harder.Threfore it cause impotence problem As one of this girls' former co-workers and, "Doc, I know how to fake it. Now I want to learn to make it!"

But there's an even bigger rock in the road to orgasm on demand.

What's in the way of orgasm on demand?

Sexual Ignorance

Many women know more about operating their washing machine than their sexual apparatus. The reason is obvious-the washer comes with an instruction book. The sexual organs are just there. There is no owner's manual, no dealer, and no toll-free number to call for instant service. (If there were such a number, it would be overwhelmed with calls every night about eleven o'clock.)

Orgasm requires a vagina that gets enough stimulation and a brain that has enough information. Sometimes lack of information. Sometimes lack of information leads to ingenious solutions:

"What I call the clitoris is a little pea-shaped thing on the outside at the top between the lips of the vagina. The only way I have ever been able to reach a climax is for a man (or me) to massage this with his finger completely to the end of intercourse, with his penis going in and out of my vagina.

"I wonder if I could have plastic surgery to have this clitoris moved so that it would be massaged by the penis naturally.Is this possible?"

Fortunately, a clitoris transplant is not necessary. During intercourse the average penis has plenty of opportunities to get the attention of the clitoris. It pulls on the labia as it slides in and out of the vagina, it the base of the clitoris through the top wall of the vagina and causes the vulva to squeeze the entire clitoris with each thrust. The biggest obstacle is to get the clitoris to respond to all this activity.

As every woman who has ever worn a bra knows, the human mind has the power to turn off sensations it doesn't care about. A few minutes after putting on a brassiere, many women forget they are even wearing one. The feeling of compression and binding around the breasts just doesn't register in the brain anymore. Unfortunately, a woman's mind can also shut off all but the most intense sensations from the clitoris. All too often her clitoris (and her brain) has decided to respond only to the very intense finger-clitoris sensations instead of the less direct penis-clitoris stimulation. The solution is not to change the location of the clitoris- it's fine where it is. It's simpler-and more effective-to improve the receptivity of the brain.

Another misunderstanding involves that same vital organ, the clitoris.

"I'm going to graduate from college soon and I want to get over this problem before I get married.

"I can reach an orgasm every time I masturbate-and that's at least four times a week. But what worries me is that I never have a climax if I (or one of my boy friends) just work on the vagina by itself.

"What can I do about my 'spoiled clitorises'? I know that vaginal and clitoral orgasms are the same, but as a lover I am zero since I can only have the clitoral ones. I hope you can help."

Not much help is needed. No woman will ever have any kind of orgasm except the clitoral kind. No trophy has ever been awarded for the amazing feat of reaching an orgasm without involving the clitoris. The reason is simple: the center of female orgasm is the clitoris. Whether it is stimulated directly or indirectly, the "little pea-shaped organ" is where the action is.

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