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Basic Instinct?  Or learned Behaviour?

People  sometimes ask me which is more important  to human sexuality:  basic instinct, or learned behaviour.  Some argue that sex in humans is primal, instinctive behaviour and doesn't  require any teaching.  Such people believe  that sex education is not only  unnecessary but also buncombe.  They argue  that the whole concept of sex education is recent  and that humans have been copulating and reproducing for the new millennium woman without the need  for such  garbage.  Besides, they state, nobody teaches animals how to make love .  Yet,  they point out, you can see animals of all kinds copulating freely if you walk through  the streets of a city  (in India, of course!) or the   countryside, and that's how natural and spontaneous sex was meant   to be.

On the other hand, at the other end of the spectrum there are people   who have gone through experiences  where, for  example, there son-in-low hadn't consummated his marriage with their daughter in several months because  he did not even know  how and where to put it in!  There are several other such situation where the sexual debacles are directly related to sexual the better orgasm diet .  I see  these in my practice every day.  People  who are  involved in these situations  will be ready  to swear that if only there had been  proper sex education, all  this would  never have happened.
So, which is it?  Instinct?  Or education?

  Good question.

Actually, now that Mr Cave Man is extinct, it is more of the latter  and less of the former, if you ask me.  The sexual  instinct in humans  is unarguably primal,  animalistic, and except perhaps where there  is venereal disease   or dysfunction, very strong.   However,  while such  an instinct is crucial for the  propagation of the species, it carries with it  many other attendant ramifications and  complications.

And that's both the problem and challenge for mankind. 
Unlike  in the animal kingdom, sexual  behaviour  in civilized humans  is controlled by man-made laws.  To add to  this are moral, cultural, and  religious mores.  Even these are not  homogenous  and vary across cultures   and religious, thus  making matters that much more complex in a seamless, global  environment.

In many ways, man-made  laws are not only good, but also necessary  or one would find humans  blissfully copulating randomly  and acrobatically on the streets and countryside  all the time.  there would be no husbands, no wives.  Nobody would  know who their father is.  Men  would gouge out each  other's innards to win women.  And just  one person  with a sexually transmitted  disease (STD) would be enough to infect an entire commune.  And soon.

However, it is equally true that too much organized sexuality  goes against basic  biology.  The result is that most humans  are unsure about what is normal, healthy, acceptable, and right, and are in constant conflict  with their  urges.  Those that dare  to transgress conventional barriers often end up regretting the consequences.  In India, for instance, we are exposed  to sexual and moral hypocrisies in our indigenous moves on the one  hand and, at the same time, have access to western  soaps and cinema  wherein anything and everything  is happening.  Not only do we hear about scandals in our  immediate environment, we also watch the world exonerating an American president  and other Celebes  for their  'the sex addict'.

What will our children learn?

All this is genuinely  confusing, and makes  a strong case for formal sex education (learned  behaviour) at the grassroots level at an appropriate age.  sex after a heart attack is not merely the imparting of trite (and boring) information about  menstruation, and showing  children  two-dimensional reproductive  anatomy and physiology diagrams of 'how babies are born'.  It should go much deep purple  than that.   The undeniably  quintessential nature of sex in  human life should be placed in proper perspective.  Hype should  be differentiated from reality.  It should be hammered home that though  sex is important, it is not  all-important.

Human beings will not die without  sex.  Sex is  not like food or water.  It is  possible to live without  sex.  It is certainly not necessary to embrace unsafe or dysfunctional sex at any cost in order to survive.  It sexual  deprivation can cause emotional and mental  problems, we must  recognize that dysfunctional sex can cause much greater damage.

People should be taught to use sex in a healthy and responsible  manner  to fulfill their (and their partners) physical,  emotional  and reproductive  needs.  They should be made familiar with societal and marital laws.  They should  be informed  about conventional and unconventional sexuality and make informed choice about what  they wise to embrace.  The risks and consequences of aberrant behaviour  must also be made know.  Partners need and  duties should be discussed.  Spouses should be taught to  espouse a moral  code that is mutually  acceptable to both partners.

  And much more.

Ideally, all these should  be understood by people before their first  sexual  experience in order for sex to become more than just a 'basic instinct; curiosity and transform itself  into man's most advanced benchmark of evolution, civilization and culture. 

This brings us finally to the sexual act itself, not because  it is least important , but  because  physical sex should be engaged  in only after all other  aspects have been clearly understood.  Otherwise, what's the vas deferens between  men and women between  the naked masturbating chimpanzees in the zoo and us?  Good love-making skills are skills are undoubtedly important to a mutually satisfying sex life and should be learnt.  These can be picked up from several scientific treatises on the subject, though readers must be  cautioned that many of these manuals depict  sex in a very clinic manner and all eroticism has to be imagined by the reader.  For this reason, unfortunately, no one really reads a sex manual until one's sex life is in a crisis and the book is prescribed   as a form of treatment.  This only increases the sexlessness of the manual.  It also probably explains why most people prefer to acquire  their sex skills from Harold Robbins, porn material, and self-proclaimed sex gurus in their coterie instead.

However, the last brand of' 'sex operation' can be misleading because all women don't attain multiple  orgasms in race cars traveling at 100 mph, and all men don't go on all  night like  relentless battering rams with twelve-inch long penises like in every porn film you've seen.  Sorry to disappoint you folks, but real life sex is a lot different than reel life sex.

Sex is also a serious responsibility.  Transcending basic instinct is the challenge.  And it's time  that human beings took that up seriously.  Humans have many  instincts and urges.   Hunger, for instance, is one, but yet, hunger  does not have to mean gluttony.  Similarly, thirst does not have to mean  dipsomania.  Likewise, sexual urges don't have to mean satyriasis, rape, other sex crimes and perversions.  Many misinformed  youngsters today are engaged in the pursuit of precisely such dangerous highs.

Therefore, I believe that just like in other walks of life, sexual behaviour  must also be governed by self -restraint and man made laws.  After  all, civilization is all about orderly behaviour, within the ambit of laws and practices, which defines the difference  between humans and animals .  sex ought not be an exception.  Stating that the basic instinct component of sex is more important than its learned beahviour component is like making a case for animalism in human sexuality.

This probably explains why sexual misbehaviour  and crimes in humans are often forgiven but crimes emanating from poverty and a survival instinct are not.
This is morally wrong and reprehensible.