Basic Instinct? Or learned Behaviour?
People sometimes ask me which is more important to human sexuality: basic instinct, or learned behaviour. Some argue that sex in humans is primal, instinctive behaviour and doesn't require any teaching. Such people believe that sex education is not only unnecessary but also buncombe. They argue that the whole concept of sex education is recent and that humans have been copulating and reproducing for the new millennium woman without the need for such garbage. Besides, they state, nobody teaches animals how to make love . Yet, they point out, you can see animals of all kinds copulating freely if you walk through the streets of a city (in India, of course!) or the countryside, and that's how natural and spontaneous sex was meant to be.
On the other hand, at the other end
of the spectrum there are people who have gone through
experiences where, for example, there son-in-low hadn't
consummated his marriage with their daughter in several months because he did not even know how and where to put it in! There are several other such situation where the sexual debacles are directly related to sexual the better orgasm diet . I see these in my practice every day. People who are involved in these situations will be ready to swear that if only there had been proper sex education, all this would never have happened.
Actually, now that Mr Cave Man is extinct, it is more of the latter and less of the former, if you ask me. The sexual instinct in humans is unarguably primal, animalistic, and except perhaps where there is venereal disease or dysfunction, very strong. However, while such an instinct is crucial for the propagation of the species, it carries with it many other attendant ramifications and complications.
And that's both the problem and challenge for mankind.
In many ways, man-made laws are not only good, but also necessary or one would find humans blissfully copulating randomly and acrobatically on the streets and countryside all the time. there would be no husbands, no wives. Nobody would know who their father is. Men would gouge out each other's innards to win women. And just one person with a sexually transmitted disease (STD) would be enough to infect an entire commune. And soon.
However, it is equally true that too much organized sexuality goes against basic biology. The result is that most humans are unsure about what is normal, healthy, acceptable, and right, and are in constant conflict with their urges. Those that dare to transgress conventional barriers often end up regretting the consequences. In India, for instance, we are exposed to sexual and moral hypocrisies in our indigenous moves on the one hand and, at the same time, have access to western soaps and cinema wherein anything and everything is happening. Not only do we hear about scandals in our immediate environment, we also watch the world exonerating an American president and other Celebes for their 'the sex addict'.
What will our children learn?
All this is genuinely confusing, and makes a strong case for formal sex education (learned behaviour) at the grassroots level at an appropriate age. sex after a heart attack is not merely the imparting of trite (and boring) information about menstruation, and showing children two-dimensional reproductive anatomy and physiology diagrams of 'how babies are born'. It should go much deep purple than that. The undeniably quintessential nature of sex in human life should be placed in proper perspective. Hype should be differentiated from reality. It should be hammered home that though sex is important, it is not all-important.
Human beings will not die without sex. Sex is not like food or water. It is possible to live without sex. It is certainly not necessary to embrace unsafe or dysfunctional sex at any cost in order to survive. It sexual deprivation can cause emotional and mental problems, we must recognize that dysfunctional sex can cause much greater damage.
People should be taught to use sex in a healthy and responsible manner to fulfill their (and their partners) physical, emotional and reproductive needs. They should be made familiar with societal and marital laws. They should be informed about conventional and unconventional sexuality and make informed choice about what they wise to embrace. The risks and consequences of aberrant behaviour must also be made know. Partners need and duties should be discussed. Spouses should be taught to espouse a moral code that is mutually acceptable to both partners.
And much more.
Ideally, all these should be understood by people before their first sexual experience in order for sex to become more than just a 'basic instinct; curiosity and transform itself into man's most advanced benchmark of evolution, civilization and culture.
This brings us finally to the sexual act itself, not because it is least important , but because physical sex should be engaged in only after all other aspects have been clearly understood. Otherwise, what's the vas deferens between men and women between the naked masturbating chimpanzees in the zoo and us? Good love-making skills are skills are undoubtedly important to a mutually satisfying sex life and should be learnt. These can be picked up from several scientific treatises on the subject, though readers must be cautioned that many of these manuals depict sex in a very clinic manner and all eroticism has to be imagined by the reader. For this reason, unfortunately, no one really reads a sex manual until one's sex life is in a crisis and the book is prescribed as a form of treatment. This only increases the sexlessness of the manual. It also probably explains why most people prefer to acquire their sex skills from Harold Robbins, porn material, and self-proclaimed sex gurus in their coterie instead.
However, the last brand of' 'sex operation' can be misleading because all women don't attain multiple orgasms in race cars traveling at 100 mph, and all men don't go on all night like relentless battering rams with twelve-inch long penises like in every porn film you've seen. Sorry to disappoint you folks, but real life sex is a lot different than reel life sex.
Sex is also a serious responsibility. Transcending basic instinct is the challenge. And it's time that human beings took that up seriously. Humans have many instincts and urges. Hunger, for instance, is one, but yet, hunger does not have to mean gluttony. Similarly, thirst does not have to mean dipsomania. Likewise, sexual urges don't have to mean satyriasis, rape, other sex crimes and perversions. Many misinformed youngsters today are engaged in the pursuit of precisely such dangerous highs.
Therefore, I believe that just like in other walks of life, sexual behaviour must also be governed by self -restraint and man made laws. After all, civilization is all about orderly behaviour, within the ambit of laws and practices, which defines the difference between humans and animals . sex ought not be an exception. Stating that the basic instinct component of sex is more important than its learned beahviour component is like making a case for animalism in human sexuality.
This probably explains why sexual misbehaviour and crimes in humans are often forgiven but crimes emanating from poverty and a survival instinct are not.