Late Comers And Marathon Men
A rather grim looking young man came to me recently saying that he had a peculiar problem. ‘Relax, no problem is too peculiar for me,’ I said, with the smug sagacity that comes naturally to someone who’s seen and heard it all. ‘Go on.’
‘You see doc,’ he began, ‘my problem
is somewhat the opposite of premature ejaculation. I just
can’t come. Intercourse goes on and on but there’s no ejaculation.’
Sounds like the story of this man’s life, I thought to myself, and wondered if Tennyson had though of this andrological angle in his famous poem whilst writing it.
I urged Marathon Man to continue and tell his poem of woe in detail. Having once begun, the guy couldn’t stop. He certainly didn’t sound like a man who finished anything in a hurry. Finally, I had to gently interrupt him and put two and two together for him self help is the best help.
Mr Marathon Man, it transpired, was suffering from a condition known as delayed or retarded ejaculation (RE). RE is defined as a persistent difficulty in achieving ejaculation despite the presence of adequate sexual desire, erection and stimulation. To add to his miseries, his wife and he hadn’t made a baby even after four years of marriage .
On the surface, RE might sound like a slogan for Onida TV but often it is more a cause for worrying than for rejoicing. The male goes on for a half hour or more with little the sex addict, and constantly worries about when he is going to ‘come’. The female usually has already attained orgasm and waits eagerly for the man to finish the remainder of the ritual. She stops lubricating shortly after orgasm and thereafter the remainder of the sex act is merely a painful formality for her.
In severe cases, the man cannot ejaculate at all. This phenomenon is called an ejaculation. We’ll talk about this in a while. RE can be both psychological and physical. Psychological cause include anger or resentment towards women, marital conflict, an oppressive upbringing, lack of emotional involvement with partner, fear of commitment, underlying anxiety, fear depression, and obsessive compulsive disorders. Physical causes include substance abuse (alcohol and drugs), many prescriptions drugs (antihypertensives a psychotropic's), neurological and endocrine illnesses, diabetes, cancer, prostate problems and surgical intervention that affects the ejaculatory apparatus. You see, the list of causes is just as long as the ejaculation time in these guys!
I went on to explain to the Marathon Man that positive reinforcement of operative conditioning associated with masturbation might play a key role in he development of RE. Most men have their first orgasm through masturbation. Many men exert much more pressure during masturbation than they are likely to experience during intercourse. They mistakenly think they need that same pressure to reach coital the better orgasm diet. Men can learn to reach orgasm with a partner if they practice stimulation slowly and with much less pressure than usual.
I saw him gulp. He must have definitely thought that I was some king of mind reader because I noticed him staring at his right palm very symbolically. I could have sworn that I saw guilt on his face. I made a mental note to address that separately.
‘When you are suffering from RE,’ I continued, ‘the trick is to focus on things that are arousing to you. The brain has an amazing way of propelling sexual arousal forward even when the physical stimulation is the vas deferens between men and women or less intense than usual. Teach your partner how to stimulate you in the way you like best.’
‘Good sex can become great sex it subtle nuances, personal preferences and kinks are factored in. You must be in a state of mind that welcomes the sexual sensation your partner is offering you real life and real life. Check whether you are focusing excessively on giving your partner pleasure. If you are, make sure you don’t forget your own need. Sex is as much about receiving as giving.’
‘You’re probably right about that, doc,’ the Marathon Man said, ‘For me it’s always been, like, something I do to my wife, not something that we do together, for each other.’
With that, he suddenly developed a glazed, wizened look, which made me think of someone who had long ago sat under a Bodhtree.
‘Pleasure continue doc,’ he beseeched, ‘I am listening very intently.’
‘Often intercourse is begun too soon in the sexual encounter,’ I went on. ‘Many men with RE believe they’d better start working at it early because they fear that their partner will tire out if the whole experience takes what the partner considers “too long”. This leads to missing many an erotic experience that builds arousal. Rushing to intercourse, in essence, short-circuits on the fast guys and other seminal matters. Going straight to intense genital stimulation numbs what could have been intense pleasure if only it had been built up in graded fashion. Also, give up watching the clock. Many women enjoy a man’s taking his time while moving through his sexual responses. Keep in mind, also, that you can stimulate yourself to orgasm while in bed with a partner. The ejaculatory reflex has both central and peripheral neurological control mechanisms and RE occurs because there is over-control or difficulty in release at one or both levels.’
The Marathon Man couldn’t believe that he could get so much for just one consultation. He conspiratorially told me that he’s been through many sessions of counseling with several specialists before finally coming to me. I deftly changed the subject.
‘Physical caused require separated work-up and treatment, and an ejaculation will merit a different approach,’ I said. With that I proceeded to tell him some more about other ejaculatory problems.
‘In contrasts to RE, where there’s merely a delay, however inordinate, the entity called an ejaculation implies a complete inability to ejaculate. There are many scientific classifications of an ejaculation but I’ll try and keep it simple. In situational an ejaculation, as the term denotes, the man cannot ejaculate in certain situations. A classical example of this is the man who ejaculates normally during sex but cannot, for instance, collect a sample of semen by masturbation during infertility treatment. This is very common. The wife is undergoing treatment and suddenly the infertility specialists pronounces that she ovulated (released eggs) and that now is a good time to send some sperms up to meet these ova and say hello. The man is asked to produce a sample of semen. Often, a bottle is thrust into his hand and he is directed to a dirty, small toilet. He is expected to lock himself there for a few minutes and come out with a bottle full of sperm! Little wonder that many men have problems doing it. another situation is somewhat analogous to that discussed in Chapter 15 (Make Love , Not War ), where again, It is the wife’s ovulation that dictates that a couple should have sex. Only, unlike our protagonist in that chapter, some guys simply can’t do it. Not only do many men have problems ejaculating in such situations, many can’t even obtain erections sufficient to enable sexual intercourse. That’s how stressful and asexual they find the whole context. And then there are some who have never been able to ejaculate state. There men never discharge semen during masturbation or intercourse. However, they do ejaculate occasionally in their sleep. Luckily, for such cases, cures are easy. We now have machines known as vibrojeaculaors and electro ejaculators, which are very successful at making these guys ejaculate. Success rates with these machines are purported to be almost 100 per cent. These machine are also used to obtain semen samples in men with spinal cord disorders and paraplegia's, with similarly good success rates.’
‘There are also mechanical causes that can block the sperm conduction passages and make ejaculation totally impossible at all times. And lastly, there are those unfortunates called retrograde ejaculators. In these men, there is semen production and ejaculation, but the semen does not come out through the penis to the outside. Instead, it goes backwards into the urinary bladder, gets mixed with the urine , gets passed along with it. We’re not discussing these last two condition in detail here but many in this category will require surgical or other intervention for treatment.’
‘So what have we learnt here?’ I asked the Marathon Man at the end of my sermon, thinking that I had done pretty well for the day.
‘Three important lessons, doc,’ he replied. (1)taking matters in your own hands may not always solve all your problems. (2) Coming ‘fashionably late’ at bedroom parties is sure to upset your hostess. (3) Some men literally don’t know whether they are coming or going.’
The guy turned out to be a lot smarter than I had imagined. Both of us broke into laughter.
Take Home Message:
For further information on ejaculatory