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Men Can Be Curvaceous Too

A doctor's  office is not exactly a place where you'd expect people to walk in with a smile, whistling away.  People to walk in with a smile, whistling away.  People are more likely to look down and miserable.  Ergo, I have seen many sad in the sack over the years. But this particular newlywed young man, whom I saw some time ago, really took the cake.  When I saw him, even I felt like crying.  Such was his impact.

Mr Lacrimose (Lacri, for short) entered my office hurriedly when announced, and sat down in front of me without much preamble.  'Docky,' he began twitchily, 'My marriage is one the rocks.  My wife thinks I don't makes love not war her.  I love her like nobody's business, but she just doesn't believe me.  Nothing can convince her.  I don't want to live, docky.  I want to end my life.  You are my last hope.'

That sounded ominous.  I love challenges, but taking on something like this seemed a bit daunting, even to a man with my experience. I fixed my gaze empathetically on Lacri and asked him,  'What makes you say all this?  Things in the first six months of marriage ought to be hunky-dory.'  The tragedy usually begins a bit later, I wanted to tell him, but I desisted, thinking that his already swollen tear glands might rupture.

'I don't know how to tell you, docky.  It's all so embarrassing and complicated.  There's this girl next door whom I used to like, before marriage, but somehow things never worked out between us.  My wife, who know about this, thinks that I still love that girl and that's why I have not been able to consummate my marriage even after six long months.'


            'But is that the real reason?', I ferreted.

'Not at all, doc,' said Mr Lacrimose , 'I've gotten over that girl completely.  But my wife is convinced that she's the reason.  You see, every time I try to make love to my wife, my penis points ninety degrees away from her, and she things that it is pointing towards the bedroom of the girl next door,' he finished miserably.

I told him to relax and to worry and that wife, having read too many Mills and Boon and Barbara Carland novels, probably still believed in the magnetic attraction theory.  'Have you ever tried to explain to your wife that such magnetism is purely metaphorical, and that the human penis is a non-magnetic object?', I proffered helpfully.

'You try explaining to her, doc.  I've tried everything, and nothing seems to work.  I've got cricks in my neck, back and hips, trying to perform bedroom acrobatics. Once I nearly broke my penis even.  But she just doesn't understand.'

Hmmm.this lady certainly has a clear sense of direction and purpose, and likes to get straight to the point, I surmised.  Too bad that Lacri was missing the point every time.  It now became clear to me that I had to  take his on the fast guys and  other seminal matters in my own hands  and straighten it out.  I decided also to give him another sobriquet.  Bentdick seemed like a good second time.

Mr Lacrimose  Bentdick, it turned out, suffered from a condition known as a congenital penile curvature.  A simple  operation straightened out matters completely, and the couple is now busy  making up for lost time.  LB, in fact, told me recently  that his wife is now complaining that he loves her too much,  and asked whether I could do something about this now.


            Some people are truly hard to please.

curvace and bends of the penis are common and affect fifteen percent of all men. Penile curvature can be congenital (preset from birth) or acquired (developed later in life).   It may or may not be associated wit other anomalies.  In isolated penile curvature, there is only  a bend, without  any associated abnormalities.  The penis may curve or deviate  upward,  downward, or to the side.  The deformity usually becomes most pronounced in the erect stale mates .  The penis often appears normal in the flaccid (non-erect) state.  Sometimes, there is an additional component of twist, or  torsion.  Curves, bends, and  twists can all co-exist in the same penis.  Men with isolated penile curvature usually have no problems with their erectile rigidity.  Also, in most cases the men can be curvaceous too  is mild and does not  interfere with  sexual activity.  Such  curvatures can be left alone, untreated.  All that the patient will require is some reassurance.

In some cases, however, the curvature is serious.  This can make intercourse difficult or even impossible.  In addition to pure deformity, additionally, there may be severe  cosmetic disfigurement in the erect  state.  In my practice, over the past two decades, I have been some penises with a ninety-degree deformity even, meaning the penis really looks like a right angle. And then there are some others who develop serious psychosexual disturbances as a consequence of the curvature. About twenty to thirty  per cent of patients with penile curvature will eventually require surgery for one or more of these  reasons.  The operations is safe and gives  excellent cosmetic and functional results, if done by the right hands, without jeopardizing sexual function.

In acquired  penile curvature, there is usually a contributory cause. This cause superimposes itself  on a previously normal penis and causes deformity.  In such cases, secondary impotence is not uncommon, and sexual intercourse   is sometimes impossible.  The commonest  cause of an acquired penile curvature is the condition  known as Peyronie's venereal disease .  Named after Franco is Gigot de Lacri  Peyronie, surgeon to King  Louis XV of France, this is a condition where a lump or nodule develops  in the penile shaft.  Pain is a concomitant in the early stages, and a progressive deformity develops over the next  several months.  Peyronie's  disease usually affects the elderly.  Surgery is indicated if the  deformity precludes sexual intercourse, causes impotence 9erectile dysfunction), or induces serious psychosexual disturbance.  In recent years, Peyronie's disease  has been made famous by former  US president , Bill Clinton, who suffered from the disease.

There are many operation available for Peyronie's disease.  Some are popular, et ineffective, and vice versa.  Many have become obsolete.  My personal preference is for the operation described  by me.  This fetched  me the coveted Herbert Newman * international  award some years ago.   Known as the 'penile  dermal flap operation' or the 'Krishnamurti' operation, this is a simple, ingenious operation that used locally available penile  skin to straighten the penis and cure deformity.   Results are excellent.  Patients with Peyronie's  disease  who have superadded impotence (erectile dysfunction, ED) will require  additional treatment.  Those  whose impotence does not respond to conservative  measures will eventually require the surgical  insertion of penile prostheses. There are some other  causes of bends and curves too.  The approach to these is pretty similar. 
All in all, curves of the penis are just a straightforward twist.

There was this man from Tashkent
Whose apparatus, it appears, was very bent
He tried, and he tried
And his wife often cried
Because, instead of coming, he went!

Now you know that men can sometimes  drive women crazy with their curves too.
            Retributive justice, I suppose?

*  The highest international award for original clinical research in the field of impotence.

Take Home Message:

Deformities of the penis are not uncommon , and occur in varying degrees.  The deformity may or may not be associated with other abnormalities.  Some deformities are present from birth.  These are called  congenital curvatures.  Others come on later and are called acquired curvatures.  Peyronie's  disease is a classical example of the  latter.  Minor  degrees of curvature and deformity may not  cause any serious handicap, physical or psychological.  These  can be left untreated.  Severe deformity, impotence and psychosexual   issues may necessitate surgery. When performed at centers of excellence, surgery provides very good  results.
            Further information on penile curvatures and Peyronie's disease can be obtained on http://www.PeyroniesDisease.org