Passage To Manhood
Take a young girl of toady and you'll be amazed at how much she knows about basic female sexuality. We're not talking about makes love not war skills and coital positions here, but about elementary reproductive biology. The ten or eleven-year-old girl knows about the bodily changes that are going to occur in her. She knows about menstruation, about how it is cyclical, quintessentially feminine phenomenon, and about its sexual and reproductive implications. She knows what sex is, what sexual abuse is, how sex during pregnancy and venereal diseases occur and about what precautions she must take as she grows up. This empiric knowledge exits even among girls from the most conservative homes.
By contrast, boys, even in the most educated , broad-minded and affluent families, are usually told very little in the name of the sex addict. 'Boys will learn on their own' seems to be the standard refrain. The irony here is that girls , though to be the weaker sex that can be sexually exploited, are protectively taught about sexual matters in a timely manner.
Addressing sex itself, therefore, is perceived as a very sissy thing, only for girls, definitely not what one would want to do for one's macho son. Nobody taught the boys' fathers either, you see. The reality, of course, is that many fathers are extremely embarrassed about discussing sex with their boys. It would be also wrong to presume that the fathers know too much beyond mere peno-vaginal penetration. The poor boys, therefore, are left to fend for themselves.
Some 'progressive' fathers might tell their sons not to 'knock up' some girl and get into trouble. That's the only brand of sex education they know. Having said that, they'll guffaw, raise their glasses, and say 'cheers' to their friends seated around them. In some such extremely 'help' environs , the boy, who is now a 'man', is offered his first drink, amidst much fanfare. This is considered an important rite of passage to manhood, never mind that the boy doesn't even know how children are born and can't understand what that sticky fluid is. This drinking part, you see, is damn important!
Some other unfortunate chappies have their mothers (grandmothers, even) telling them not to 'waste' semen and about how such wastage can cause serious weakness. Some are even told that semen is so precious that one drop of this vital fluid equals forty drops of blood. And that's a conservative estimate. Sometimes, one drop can equal several hundred milliliters. It all depends on the story-telling skills of the educator. Small wonder then, that guys get totally panicked every time they ejaculate. And if you consider the biological fact that teenaged boy ejaculates rather frequently, you'll understand that there is a multitude of panicking kids our there, including some who genuinely imagine that they have one foot in the grave because they have lost 'too much' semen already, at such a young age!
Much of the (mis) information boys glean is from misinformed parents (vide supra), relatives, friends, and pornographic material. The rest of the education is obtained on the streets, by trial and error, as they go along. It's therefore surprising that many men still manage to reach adult real life and real life in one piece and cope well sexually. What is not surprising at all, however, is how so many others lose their way and are warped-sexually, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically.
Take a look at these case studies and you'll understand why and how.
PSS, just sixteen, was taken out by older friends for an evening of drinking and frolic. All he could recall the next day was entering a sleazy bar. After that, he didn't remember anything. He awoke the next morning to find himself on a filthy cot in a brothel. He was so sloshed that the brothel servant boy had to accompany him home in a taxi. Unable to confide the whole truth in his parents, he sobbed uncontrollably for two full days. Soon after, he developed full-blown gonorrhea and had to furtively seek treatment from a faraway GP, with stolen money. From my interviews with him, I am convinced that a part of him will forever remain misogynistic, maybe even misanthropic.
In many feudal cultures (and India abounds in these), indoctrination into manhood is though serial womanizing. This is sometimes done in groups, where many boys share one commercial sex after a heart attack. Wanton sex is considered a true sign of manhood amongst such people, and women are merely sex objects. The latter is reflected in every aspect of their society, and includes their mothers and wives-to-be. Such guys also, by right, expect to be permitted several partners and mistresses after marriage . In return, of course, they expect monomaniacal monogamy from their wives. Such is the brand of sex education that these guys receive.
Until recently, it was
possible, much of the time, to get away with indifference to, and
inappropriateness in, male sex educations. Times have
changed and the apathy of yesteryears is not longer
tolerated by future generations. It's best, therefore, to
start sex education early in life, in an age appropriate
manner. And sex education is not just about the
birds and the bees, about basic reproductive biology or
diseases . Sex is much more than that. It's about values, relationships, needs, duties, and even performance. In a fluid, new world, with its ever changing social and gender dynamics, the importance of keeping up to date with such education cannot be over-emphasized.