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Passage To Manhood

Take a young girl of toady and you'll be amazed at how much she knows about  basic female  sexuality.  We're not talking about makes love not war skills and coital positions here, but about elementary reproductive  biology.  The ten or  eleven-year-old girl knows about the bodily changes that are going  to occur in her.  She knows  about  menstruation,  about how it is cyclical, quintessentially feminine phenomenon, and about  its sexual and reproductive  implications.  She knows  what sex is,  what sexual abuse is, how sex during pregnancy and venereal diseases  occur and about what precautions she must  take as she  grows up. This empiric knowledge  exits  even among  girls from the most  conservative  homes.

By contrast, boys, even  in the most educated , broad-minded and affluent families, are usually told very little in the name of the sex addict. 'Boys will  learn on their  own' seems to be  the standard refrain.  The irony here is that girls , though  to be the weaker sex that  can be sexually exploited, are protectively  taught about sexual matters in a timely manner.

Addressing sex itself, therefore, is  perceived as a very sissy thing, only for girls,  definitely not what  one would want to do  for one's  macho son.  Nobody taught   the boys' fathers either, you see.  The reality, of course,  is that many fathers are extremely embarrassed about  discussing sex  with their boys.  It would be also wrong to presume  that the  fathers  know too much  beyond  mere peno-vaginal  penetration.  The poor boys, therefore, are left  to fend  for themselves.

Some 'progressive' fathers  might tell their sons not to 'knock  up' some girl and get into trouble.  That's  the only brand of sex education they know.  Having  said that, they'll guffaw, raise their glasses, and say 'cheers' to their friends  seated around them.  In some such extremely  'help'  environs , the boy, who is now a 'man',  is offered his first drink, amidst much fanfare.  This is  considered an important  rite of passage to manhood, never mind  that the  boy doesn't  even know how children are  born and can't  understand  what that sticky  fluid is.  This drinking part, you see,  is damn important!

Some other  unfortunate chappies have their mothers (grandmothers, even) telling them not to 'waste' semen and about how such wastage can cause serious  weakness.  Some  are even told that semen is so precious that one drop of this vital  fluid equals forty drops of blood.  And that's  a conservative estimate.  Sometimes, one drop can equal  several hundred milliliters.  It all  depends on the story-telling skills of the educator.   Small wonder  then, that guys  get totally panicked every  time they ejaculate.   And if you consider  the biological fact that teenaged  boy ejaculates  rather frequently,  you'll understand that there is a multitude  of panicking kids our there, including  some who genuinely imagine  that they  have one foot in the grave  because  they have lost 'too much' semen already, at such a young age!

Much of the (mis) information  boys glean is from  misinformed parents (vide supra), relatives, friends, and pornographic  material.  The rest of the education is obtained  on the streets, by trial and  error, as they go along.   It's therefore   surprising  that many men  still manage  to reach adult real life and real life in one piece  and cope well sexually.  What is not surprising at all, however, is how so many others lose their way and  are warped-sexually, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes  even physically.

Take a look at these case studies and you'll understand  why and how.
TA, a light-eyed, far boy, studied in a residential boys' school, where he lived in a dormitory.  He was slightly  younger than  most of his peers and also a little slower in the attainment of secondary sexual characteristics, i.e.  masculine voice, body hair, height,  muscular development, etc.  At thirteen, his seniors  caught him and  forcibly sodomised him.  This became a ritual until he left school at fifteen.  He could neither tell his parents not his school authorities.  Perhaps adjusting himself in a heterosexual  relationship later in life.  He is still coping.

PSS, just sixteen, was taken out by older friends  for an evening of drinking  and frolic.  All he could recall  the next day was entering  a sleazy bar.  After    that, he didn't remember anything.  He awoke the next  morning to find himself  on a filthy cot in a brothel.  He was so sloshed that the brothel servant  boy  had to accompany him home  in a taxi.  Unable  to confide the whole truth in his parents, he sobbed   uncontrollably  for two full days.  Soon after, he developed full-blown gonorrhea and had to furtively seek treatment from a faraway GP, with stolen money.  From my  interviews with him, I am convinced that a part of him will forever remain misogynistic, maybe even misanthropic.

In many  feudal cultures (and India abounds in these),  indoctrination into manhood is though  serial womanizing.   This is sometimes   done in groups, where many boys   share one commercial sex after a heart attack.  Wanton sex is considered  a true sign of manhood amongst such people, and women  are merely sex  objects.   The latter  is reflected in every aspect of their society, and  includes  their  mothers and wives-to-be.  Such  guys also, by right,  expect to be permitted several partners and mistresses after marriage .  In return, of course, they  expect monomaniacal monogamy from their wives.  Such is the brand  of sex education  that these  guys receive.

Until recently, it was  possible, much of the time, to get away with indifference to, and inappropriateness in, male sex educations.  Times  have changed  and the apathy of yesteryears  is not longer  tolerated by  future generations.  It's best, therefore, to start  sex education early in life, in an age appropriate manner.   And sex education  is not just about  the birds  and the bees, about  basic reproductive  biology or reproductive venereal diseases .   Sex is much  more than that.  It's about values, relationships, needs, duties, and even performance.  In a fluid, new world, with  its ever changing  social and gender dynamics, the  importance of keeping  up to date  with such education  cannot be over-emphasized.
Of course, it must be  reiterated  that sexuality  is just one aspect of growing up.  As a man, you will, hopefully, have a lot more to do than just sex.   But I can't  help you with those  responsibilities.  As your mom and dad!