The Suffering Companion
Some days ago, a heavily made-up forty-something lady came to see me at my office. Trailing her like miasma as a pungent floral fragrance. I winced.
'Am I not attractive.?' she started abruptly.
I always seem to find myself in such difficult situations. If I said I though she was indeed attractive, it might have been misconstrued. If I told her she wasn't, that would've been certain catastrophe too, considering how formidable she looked.
'How is that andrological pertinent?' I asked instead, trying to embody professionalism at its best.
'No, no doc, my husband thinks that I am not attractive and to think I was a beauty contest winner in college.it really hurts' She broke into sobs.
'I'm sorry ma'am, but I'm not a cosmetic surgeon', I had to finally confess.
'No, no, you don't seem to understand, doc,' she persisted and pulled out some sheets of paper from her commodious purse. 'The case histories you describe here are exactly like ours - my husband's and mine, that is.'
I took the papers from her and perused them. They were printouts from the chapter on my website on the the new millennium woman's perspective of impotence.
'I see,' I muttered. This was getting interesting.
Any woman who has tried to have intercourse with an impotent man can identify with Ms Sexless' feelings. It isn't just men who experience frustration and disappointment. Women do too.
Many couples maintain a conspiracy of silence surrounding the problem of impotence. Mr and Ms Sexless both knew there was a problem, but typically were reluctant to talk about it. neither man nor wife was willing to accept the reality of addressed the issue, much anxiety and stress would be generated. If they chose to ignore the problem, opportunities for emotional and sexual closeness would be lost. As they became more physically distant, the quality of their marital relationship began to deteriorate. Over time, they gradually began to drift apart. Silence reinforced their estrangement.
The story of Mr and Ms Sexless is classical. Millions of couples languish in silent misery or endure deteriorating marriages when the husband is impotent. But this need not be so because the situation is eminently remediable. Here's a six-step survival guide:
This includes, first, admitting the problem to yourselves and then examining your feelings, your thoughts and beliefs, and your basic instinct or learned behaviour. Are you blaming yourself and your lack of attractiveness for your husband's problem? Are you suspecting your husband to be having an affair? Are you ignoring, denying or making excuses for the problem? Are you withholding affection and avoiding sexual situations? Are you seeking escapism through over-exercising, overeating, alcohol or spiritual pursuits?
Step 2: Consider your Physical and Psychological Health:
Step 3: Explore the Relationship Factors that Predict Successful Treatment:
Step 4: Learn about the Causes and Treatment Options for Impotence:
Step 5: Discuss the Problem with your stale mates and Seek Medical Consultation: The sooner you do this, the better.
Step 6: See an Andrologist: Get an expert to identify the cause of your partner's erectile dysfunction and offer case-specific treatment. Sometimes, surgery may be necessary.