The Umpteenth Time
When it comes to the sex addict , aphorisms like 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence' and 'keeping up with the Jonesses' are especially pertinent. Socially, it is quite common for close friends and relatives to exchange notes about their sex lives. Per seminal, there is noting wrong with this practice. In fact, it constitutes an unofficial channel for sex educations, offers opportunities for widening of one's sexual horizons, and can even provide some free entertainment. Besides, if something is drastically wrong with your own sex real life is the best life and you are not even aware of it because of ignorance and lack of precious experience, such gossip for a can be useful eye openers that prompt you to seek professional help.
There is, however, a flip side to this. People are notorious liars when it comes to talking about their sex lives, and will tell grossly exaggerated tales of their sexual prowess. The obvious aim of this braggadocio is to s score one-upmanship points. The gullible listener usually falls for these tall tales hook, line and sinker, and stale mates to actually believe them. Since such conversations usually occur only among very close people, the trust quotient is high. The listener believes that if the teller is trusting him with something so personal and intimate, he must be definitely telling the truth. After all, who would expect a sister or best friend to lie about such personal matters? There is no apparent motive to do so. The listener also believes, therefore, that he must prove himself to be worthy of that trust and must prove himself to be worthy of that trust and must never leak it out. And this is how these blatant sexual lies remain closely kept secrets. You can never cross check them. You remain forever in their grip.
If a guy tells you that his is ten inches long, or that he does it twelve times a night, or that his wife is so multi-the better orgasm diet that she keeps twitching, writhing and convulsing all night long, chances are that you'll believe him and develop the complex of your life. You are never going to ask the guy to show you his penis, you are not going to peep into his bedroom, and you are not going to check with the wife whether the husband's description of her sexuality was accurate.
Thus, the guy laughs all the way back to his bedroom, smug in the knowledge that he has blown your mind out completely.
Let me tell you the story of this guy who once came to my clinic and said, 'Doc, I have a major problem when I try to do it the fourth time.'
I've heard worse. I didn't bat an eyelid. Instead, I looked him straight in the eye and asked him to elaborate on his story and tell more details. That was all the encouragement he needed. His verbal diarrhea lasted several minutes thereafter. Here's a summary:
'They first three times doc,' he began, 'I am somehow able to manage to get it up but the fourth time around , it is well nigh impossible. My wife is very co-operative and tries hard to stimulate me but still I can't do it.'
The word 'co-operative' is one that I hear very commonly in my consulting room. It seems to be particularly characteristic of Indian women who sleep with sexually inept men. In short, it means that the woman puts up with lousy sexual performances and sexual dissatisfaction, night after night, year after year, without any complaints. To 'co-operate' apparently also means 'to observe silently and say encouraging things as the man makes a complete fool of himself in bed'. Believe me, there are millions of 'co-operative' Indian women out there. I have often wondered why they've never started a 'Non-co-operation' movement like our freedom fighters did.
So then I asked out Charlie why it was so important for him to do it a fourth time. weren't his wife and the happy with three times?
'Not a at all, doc,' he said gloomily. 'You see, the very first time around, I ejaculate as soon as I enter. Even the third, I'm not much better and last only two or three strokes. My wife is extremely dissatisfied and often hasn't even begun to get aroused.'
That was very easy for me to understand. But what I will never understand I is how such wives are still very 'co-operative'! Are they not aware of their right to sexual fulfillment? Can't they tell their partners what they'd like in bed? Can't they speak up for their needs? Why must they pretend that everything is all right when it isn't? Are they embarrassed to admit that they want to enjoy sex? Do they think enjoying good sex is amoral? Do they think that their partners will consider them less virtuous if they are vocal, experimental, and demanding about sex?
'For God's sake! I feel like telling them, 'Even the World Health Organization (WHO) has declared sexual health a fundamental health right. Why are you people still living in the Dark Ages? Don't you watch The Bold and the Beautiful? Haven't you seen all those brazenly sexual babes flaunting it in the music remix channels? When are you going to address, discover, and sate your sexual urges?'
Charlie went on to say that his wife's friend had once told her that the friend's husband could do it seven to eight times a night. 'and I can't even do it four times,' he concluded woefully. I didn't have the heart to tell him that, as per my understanding, he does not do it properly even once. That would have finished him completely.
Instead, I told him that he need not worry so much and that his problem was an eminently curable one. I told him that he was making a mistake trying to engage in the numbers' game. It was not how many times one did it that mattered but how well. I said that if he did it properly even once such that both his wife and he were satisfied, it would be more than enough. I explained to him what foreplay is, what a woman's erogenous zones are, and taught him a thing or two about breast and clitoris stimulation. I also told him that he was very lucky to have a 'co-operative' wife. I did not tell him that her co-operation might not last too long if he didn't get his act together in a hurry. He was in a bad way already. No point making it worse. 'That's not what he's come to me for,' I thought to myself.
I then went on to further explain to him that his mot important problem was premature ejaculation and that we should first work towards resolving that. I taught him all the techniques and exercises that are described in on the fast guys and other seminal matters . I wrote him a prescription for medicines that would improve both erection and ejaculation. The consultation lasted nearly half an hour. At the end of it, he nodded with relief and hope as he left my office confidently.
A few weeks later, his plight had improved considerably and he was able to have a fairly normal sex life. His wife, who accompanied him this time, endorsed this and said that she was not just being 'co-operative', but that she was really happy now. Apparently, Charlie had worked hard, both on himself and on her (pun intended).
It is important for couples to understand that they should work at a sex life that works for them and not try to emulate others. Every relationship is different.
So, do you still have a 'co-operative' wife? If you do, then please call my secretary immediately for an appointment.