Where Has Desire Gone?
Sex. The passion, intimacy, fun, games, naughtiness -could you live without it? Yet, everywhere, couples are doing without sex because, frankly, they're not in the mood. What was once a wonderful three times a night has dwindled to a routine once a week, half-hearted once a month or even less. Here are the reasons why one might go off sex during pregnancy
Your physical self
Firstly, are you feeling good physically? We may lust with our minds but it's our bodies that have to do the lovemaking. So if you're tired, stressed, overworked or ill, you may not feel like sex simply because your body isn't up to it. Begin by making sure you're getting enough rest. Work, stress, a house to keep and children often lead to feelings of exhaustion. If you have children, try going to bed when they do for a week. Or clear your diary for a week to ensure early nights. Catch up on sleep and see how much better you feel. Lack of desire may be your body's way of telling you there's something wrong. It could be illness that's draining you or your hormones may be unbalanced. Or you're on medication that's reducing your sex drive. It's always worth having a physical check-up, particularly if your problems have come on suddenly after many years of normal sex after a heart attack. In such situations, the cause is more likely to be physical than psychological.
Falling in love and having lots of sex go hand in too hot to handle . If your love starts to dip, often you won't long for as much sex. So, while it may feel strange to question your relationship, you do need to look at it. Do you still have a working partnership? Are you still in love? If in your heart you know you're not, be brave enough to admit it to yourself. Even if you know you do still love and care, you might be suffering from the biggest enemy of desire- anger. Over the years, many things may have happened to make you irritated with each other. From the betrayal of an affair to a series of small irritations, disagreements, rows, perhaps a whole range of disappointment- and neither partner feels loved or wanted. This build up of anger will block all sexual feeling, and so desire dies. The only solution is to dissolve this anger, which is not necessarily an easy process. You need to identify what you are angry about - and the list may be long. Ideally, talk these issues through with your partner, clear the air, forgive each other and then learn ways to stop anger building up again. If you can't discuss issues with your partner without tempers exploding, then a counselor can help you. Of course, sexual frequency and intensity also decline in long-standing relationships as people age. This is normal and you mustn't worry about it if the sex is acceptable to both partners.
Finally, your sex life may have faded because you're not enjoying it anymore. If you aren't having fun during sex, why bother having it? And if there are other things that are more fun than sex, then why bother having sex? We're not talking here about improving sex by using different positions, buying sex aids or dressing up in saucy knickers. There things will add spice to a good but routine sex life, but they won't bring desire back. the sexual reasons for loss of desire are far deep purple. To begin with it could be that you're no longer really turning each other on. Although men often like the 'straight in, no messing approach', for true pleasure, they need arousing. The best way is to go back to square one and 're-teach ' each other turn-on skills. Do you need lots of foreplay , a gentle touch or stimulation in a certain way or a particular spot? Take it in turns to simply 'receive' touch- coaching your partner in what really works for you. Another problem, especially for women , may be inability to have the better orgasms diet -at least with the partner. This often happens because foreplay declines dramatically in a relationship with the passage of time. In such a situation, the woman can teach her partner how to bring her to climax.
So many men and women have lost interest in sex completely and are not even bothered about it. Yet, they've read every word of this piece!