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Where Has Desire Gone?

Sex.  The passion, intimacy, fun, games, naughtiness -could you live  without it?  Yet, everywhere, couples are doing without  sex because, frankly, they're not in the mood.  What was  once a wonderful three times a night  has dwindled to a routine once a week, half-hearted once a month or even less.  Here are the reasons why one might  go off sex during pregnancy

Your physical self

Firstly, are you feeling good physically?  We may lust with our  minds but it's our bodies  that have to do the lovemaking.  So if you're tired, stressed, overworked  or ill, you may not feel  like sex simply because  your body  isn't up to it.  Begin  by making sure you're getting enough rest.  Work, stress, a house to keep and children often  lead to feelings of exhaustion.  If you   have children, try going to bed when they do for a week.  Or clear your diary for a week   to ensure early nights.  Catch up on sleep  and see how much  better you feel.  Lack of desire may be your body's way of telling you there's something   wrong.  It could be illness that's  draining  you or your hormones may be unbalanced.   Or you're  on medication that's  reducing your sex drive.  It's always worth having  a physical  check-up, particularly  if your problems have come on suddenly after  many years  of normal sex after a heart attack.  In such situations,  the cause is more likely to be physical than psychological.

Relationship frustration

Falling  in love and having  lots of sex go hand in too hot to handle .  If your  love starts to dip, often you won't  long for as much sex.  So, while it may  feel strange  to question your relationship, you do need   to look at it.  Do you still  have a working  partnership?  Are you still in love?  If in your heart you know  you're not, be brave enough  to admit it to  yourself.  Even if you know you do still love and care, you might be suffering from the biggest  enemy of desire-  anger.  Over the years, many things may have happened to make you irritated with each  other.   From the betrayal   of an affair to a  series  of small irritations, disagreements, rows,  perhaps  a whole range of disappointment- and neither  partner feels loved or wanted.  This build up  of anger will block all sexual feeling, and so desire dies.  The only  solution is to dissolve this anger, which is not necessarily  an easy process.  You need to  identify  what you are angry about - and the list  may be long.  Ideally, talk these issues through with your partner, clear the air,  forgive  each other and  then learn ways  to stop anger building  up again.  If you can't discuss issues  with your partner without  tempers exploding, then  a counselor can help  you.  Of course, sexual frequency and intensity also  decline in long-standing relationships as people age.  This is  normal and you mustn't worry about it if the sex is acceptable to both partners. 

Sexual  reasons

Finally, your sex life may have  faded  because  you're not  enjoying it anymore.  If you  aren't  having fun during sex, why  bother having it?  And if there are other things  that are more fun than sex, then why bother  having sex?  We're not talking here about improving  sex by  using different positions,  buying sex aids or dressing up in saucy knickers.  There things  will add spice to a good but  routine  sex life, but  they won't bring  desire back.  the sexual reasons for loss of  desire   are far deep purple.  To begin with it could be that you're no longer really turning each other on.  Although  men often  like  the 'straight in, no messing approach',  for true  pleasure,  they need  arousing.  The best way is to go back to square one and 're-teach ' each  other turn-on skills.  Do you need lots of foreplay , a gentle  touch or stimulation in  a certain way or a particular spot?  Take it in turns to simply 'receive' touch- coaching your partner in what really works   for you.  Another problem, especially for women , may be inability to  have the better orgasms diet -at  least with the partner.  This  often happens because  foreplay declines dramatically  in a relationship  with the passage of time.  In such a situation,  the woman can teach her partner how to bring  her to climax.

So many men and women have lost interest in sex  completely and are not even bothered about it.  Yet, they've read every word  of this piece!
            Theory  yes, practical no, perhaps?