Sexual Etiquette

Contraception and STIs

Performance problems

Serious Sex-related issues


Sex myths

Gay and Lesbian sex

Everyday couples, exceptional sex

Dear Diary, I had great sex today


Appendix: A Sex Dictionary





Hot And Cold In Sex



Not just the appetizer, it can be the main course (and dessert) as well!

Foreplay?" joked a male acquaintance (note, not a friend ) of mine. 'Isn't that when she says yes?"
              Tragically, he's not the only guy to think that way. It takes the average man two to three minutes of direct sexual stimulation with a partner to sex orgasm. It takes the average woman twenty to thirty- which goes a long way to explain why women are a lot keener on foreplay than men. Unless you're talking fellatio, of course- there's no such thing as a bad blow job. What are the three things men want more of in bed? Oral sex, oral sex, oral sex.
              Okay, we've got the message already- only problem is, men don't seem to have gotten ours. Let me put it very clearly. MOST WOMEN WANT MORE FOREPLAY. Some women would be grateful for any at all. But like everything else attached to sex, there are some outdated attitudes about it that seem to be clinging on for dear life.
              Despite the name, foreplay isn't necessarily something you do before sex. Stop thinking of it as an appetizer that's to be raced through to get to a "main course" of intercourse and you're halfway to becoming a better lover already. If you're both really aroused, foreplay might be something you do after penetration, when you've taken the edge off. Experienced couples do it during intercourse- they'll take a break for some oral sex or masturbation to keep the mood hot and heavy for longer. The most inventive lovers of all do nothing but foreplay the entire sex session. Not every time, just sometimes. Orgasms through mutual masturbation and oral sex are often more intense for both sexes; for some women it's the only way they climax.
              Foreplay isn't a luxury to indulge in when you've "got time," especially if you are planning to have intercourse. It's necessary for the woman's vagina to physically prepare for penetration; without it, she'll be left dry but not high. And even men who can get an erection by inserting a coin in a slot machine can't deny that a good, slow, erotic "tease" dramatically heightens the sensations of sexual intercourse.

              I met a girl at a bar who looked me straight in the eye then said, 'I want you inside me,' within five minutes of meeting her. this happened at around 9 p.m. and we didn't sleep together until the early hours of the morning, but I was in a state of high excitement from that moment on. That's what I call good foreplay." Simon, 29 Sales Representative.

              Just one tip before you go gleefully poring through this chapter, eager to try out every suggestion: don't try to do everything at once. One of my girlfriends, who'd complained to her lover that she was bored with sex, had ice dripped over her breasts (and up her nose), prickly) feathers stroked all over her body, and a (rather too ripe) banana shoved you-know-where, all while she was blind-folded and tied to the bed, all at once. Full marks for effort but the shuddering climax he'd hoped for didn't happen. She felt shuddery all right-like she'd just been put through the spin cycle of a washing machine.
              If there's one rule about foreplay it's this: savor each experience, relax into it and take your time. anticipation is one of the biggest turn-ons of all. Herein lies the secret of being a truly good lover-and truly hot sex issue.

What everyone wants more of - massages!

In an ideal world, we'd all have two profession massages a week. Unfortunately, few of us have the time (let alone the cash), so that leaves.our partners, right? While no none particularly wants to start every romp around the bedroom with a leisurely massage, once a months is something all of us can aspire to. By all means take turns massaging each other, but not in the same session. There's nothing worse than having to put all those sensual feelings on hold it you have to reciprocate the minute your partner's hands leave your body!

A sensual massage

Schedule it for a Saturday or Sunday afternoon when you have hours to while away. take the phone off the hook, put something slow and sexy on the stereo, and make sure the room is warm. It's more pleasurable for both of you if you're both undressed -though he's probably better off keeping his underwear on if it's his turn to play masseur (as erect penis tends to get bumped around a bit). If you really want to make his day, leave one thing on (like a pair of sexy panties or high heels) while you're massaging him. aim to spend at least an hour sensuously playing him with your hands.

              . My first husband was so predictable with foreplay, I could not only tell you exactly what he'd do, but what order and how long he'd spend on each bit. First he'd kiss me on the mouth fondling my breasts at the same time. About one minute later, his hand would go straight to my genitals, he'd put a finger inside me and move it in and out a few times, then climb on top. He refused to talk to me about sex and denied there was a problem (he told me I'd been reading 'too many books' if I expected more). No wonder I left him." Rachel, 32 gym instructor

I've written this for a woman to follow, but the same technique will work for him, too.
              Get him to lie face down and cover all the bits you're not massaging with towels. Start by warming some scented oil or baby oil between yours palms. (Don't drop it directly onto his skin-it cold!) Now gently stroke along his back. skim your fingertips very lightly over the skin to make it supersensitive (this is the part where he gets goose bumps) before moving onto firmer strokes. You don't need to be a professional because almost anything feels good, but you could try some or all of the following strokes.
            . Circling: make firm circular movements with the hands, working outward and away from the backbone (the hand movements mirror each other).
            . Gliding: put your hands on the lowest part of his buttocks, palms flat and fingers pointing towards his head. Use the weight of your body and push both hands up along the spine.
            . Thumb strokes: use your thumbs in a circular motion to ease muscular tension, particularly in tights areas. Similarly, try running your knuckles along either side of his spine for a blissful sensation. Generally, you should always work upward and away from the spine.

Make sure you pay attention to every (nongenital at this point) part of his body during the massage; massage his back and front including his hands, feet, bottom, and chest. For the first half hour, make it more relaxing than sexy- for the last, tease him mercilessly! Run your hands between his buttocks and penis, rub his inner thighs and lower stomach, but don't touch his penis, no matter how much it strains toward you. After at least forty-five minutes of stroking and kneading, he's ready for the piece de resistance: an erotic genital massage!

              . Around 28 percent of women aren't happy with the amount of foreplay they're getting, yet almost all of us need it to allow penetration and achieve orgasm.

The knock-their-socks-off erotic version

Genital massage has been around for thousands of years, but has only recently been discovered by Western society- and westernized of course! The true, unadulterated version draws heavily on the Kama Sutra and Tantric Sex and is preceded by all sorts of bizarre, complicated rituals. But for our purposes (and because, to be honest, I've never found things like breathing in each other's breath terribly sexy), we'll skip straight to the nitty-gritty. You'll chuckle over the names but these explicit techniques are easy to learn and can transform the most mediocre lover into a wow-honey-that-was-incredible lay overnight. You may need to have the book beside you the first couple of times to follow the instructions, but once you've mastered it..well, your lovers won't forget you in a hurry!