Masturbation

Foreplay

Intercourse

Orgasm

Sexual Etiquette

Contraception and STIs

Performance problems

Serious Sex-related issues

Fantasies

Sex myths

Gay and Lesbian sex

Everyday couples, exceptional sex

Dear Diary, I had great sex today

 

Appendix: A Sex Dictionary



Hot And Cold In Sex

     

Intercourse

Some new angles on the old in-out, in-out

It's God's fault that couples have so many problems with intercourse. If he really wanted women to enjoy it, he would have put the clitoris inside the vagina. I mean, what was he thinking? The only organ in the body designed exclusively for sexual etiquette and it's stuck right up there in penile no-man's land. (Did Adam have an L-shaped one, or has God got a wicked sense of humor?) This simple design fault has caused no end of problems. Because many women need clitoral stimulation along with thrusting, it's the reason why most don't sexual orgasm during intercourse. (If you're male and absorb this point, your File-fax will never be empty again.)
              It's also responsible for the main male beef about screwing. While women mutter about a distinct lack of intercourse orgasms, men are complaining about our lack of enthusiasm. They say females very often consider intercourse to be the part where they get to relax while he does all the work. Like, why should they bother when they're not going to hit the jackpot?
              Happily, both problems are solved with one, simple solution. Remember that dopey saying your grandmother used to spout? She was right. Busy hands are happy hands and so are the genitals they're busy with.
              Clitorises aside, there's a lot more to penetration than you think, and a myriad of ways to vary that one in-out movement. Intercourse is often thought of as the least creative sex act of all. I beg to differ. Hopefully, you will too when you've read through this chapter.

The Five Favorite Positions

There are more than 600 documented positions for intercourse (the Kama Sutra describes 529 of them). You'd be asleep within minutes if I tried to list each one and since most are variants on the five basic positions, I'll focus on these and let you use your imagination to discover the other 595!
              Despite the endless variety possible, the average couple alternates between two or three positions, most settling on missionary, woman-on-top, and rear-entry. There's no such things as the "best" position- it all depends on your shapes and height, your individual preferences, and mood at the time. some positions work well if he comes too soon, side-by-side suits lazy , Sunday-morning sex, rear-entry a fast and furious "quickie."
              For most men, orgasm is guaranteed in just about any (if not all) intercourse positions. For women (sigh!), as I said, it's a different story. Clitoral stimulation is pretty much an essential for most of us to come during intercourse, so I've not only addressed this section to women but included "Orgasm potential for her" under each position. Having said that, don't be too concerned if your partner's favorite position is different from yours or vice versa; take turns or do both in the same session.
              Whatever you do though, do it with passion. Both of you will get a lot more out of all that humping and grinding if you thrust you hips to meet each other's, grab buttons and pull them close to you, run your hands up and down backs, arms, and backs of thighs, and lick or bite the closest thing to your mouths. Go for it. make so much noise, your neighbors consider double-glazing their windows.

              . "I don't come during intercourse but I love it all the same. It makes me feel close to my boyfriend. Our bodies fit together, it's all wet and hard, and I feel all filled up. The initial thrust is always the best, especially if we've teased each other to the point where neither of us can wait any longer." Naomi, 25 Secretary

Missionary

Rumor has it that early missionaries, sent to "civilize" the colonies, considered this the only respectable way to make love. Hence the name "Missionary" position and its rather staid image.
              It was probably the first position in which you had intercourse. I suspect it'll be the last (bodies aren't too agile at ninety) and, even if we hate to admit it, it's how most of the time. For good reason. The basic position- the woman lying on her back, legs apart with the man between them- requires zero imagination, little effort on her part, and is reasonably comfortable for both. It's the position you use when you're both fairly interested in sex but not spinning cart-wheels over it. Ironically, it's also the first position to spring to mind when you're so eager for him to be inside you, you don't care how the hell he does it, so long as he does it now. Missionary also appeals to the come-on-you've -got -to-admit-I've-put-on-weight girls (that is , 99 percent of women) because of the flat-tummy thing. We lie on our backs, the flab spreads out, and we look extra thin. Bonus!

Why it feels good for her

You're face-to-face and can talk and kiss, so it can be quite romantic. But you also have less control over what's happening and basically can't move very far. Bend your knees for deeper penetration. Stimulate the clitoris more effectively by keeping your legs together (squeezing your thighs) and have his legs open, lying over the outside of yours.

Why it feels good for him

He basically runs the show, being in complete control of the depth of penetration, the angle, and the pace. For this reason, it's not a bad choice if he's a premature ejaculator because he can stop if he gets too carried away. if the opposite's the problem (he's had one drink too many and is having trouble orgasming), reach down and hold back the skin on his penis, grasping at the root of the shaft with your finger and thumb, while he's moving in and out of you. There is one drawback for both of you: neither of you can see any of the real action.

Orgasm potential for her

It's not great for manual stimulation of your clitoris but it can make him last longer in intercourse if that's a problem.

              . "I'd say most guys would nominate missionary or rear-entry as their favorite positions. The first one's easy and no effort; in the second you're guaranteed to get your rocks off. Doggie- style was also the position I most enjoyed when I was with a girl I loved. I think I now associate it with her and the good times." Steve, 24, gym instructor

How to make it even better

Put one or two hard pillows under your rear end; pull your knees up to your chest or wrap them around his back for deeper penetrations; try lifting your legs high and resting one or both feet on his shoulders; lie sideways and move most of your body off the bed, head resting on a cushion on the floor (yes, the blood will rush to your head but that's the idea- some women swear this makes female orgasms scream-material).
              One way to make it instantly more exciting for both of you is to put a ban on using the missionary. If you vagina do "slip up" (and you will-anything banned becomes immediately desirable), it'll seem naughty, forbidden, and anything but boring.

How to vary it

Get him to stimulate your G-spot. Rather than thrusting in and out, you half sit up, lift your rear end, then slowly lean backward, repeating until one (or both) of you climax; let him lift your legs up and hold them; roll over completely and end up with you on top!

Comfort rating for him

His arms can get tired supporting his own weight.

Comfort rating for her

Unless he rests his weight on his elbows or hands and knees, even breathing can be difficult. If he's the size of a sumo wrestler and you're a waif, forget it.

              . Number of positions in which most sexual orgasm have inter-course: 2 to 5 the favorites missionary and woman-on-top. Number of lovers who use more than 20 positions regularly: 5 percent.

Woman-on-top

Any woman worth her stuff, in or out of bed, has to revel in this one, even if it's just for the connotations of the name. You on top, you in control- it's deliciously liberated, not to mention a hell of a turn-on for both of the you. For best control and balance, most women sit on top of their partner, who's lying on his back, then lower themselves onto his penis, legs bent at the knees and folded backward. You can also try squatting. In the basic position, you're usually facing him. don't try woman-on-top unless he's very hard- it's incredibly easy to bend a semisecret penis and cause injury.

Why it feels good for her

It's the opposite to the missionary: instead of him calling the shots, you have complete control over the depth of penetration, angle, and speed. You're in the power position and can show off all you like. Exhibitionists don't do it any other way but if you're not, it's still fantastic. (If you don't feel confident about showing off your body, simply lean forward.) If deep penetration sometimes hurts- if your cervix is sensitive for instance - this is one position you can relax in, without fear of pain. He can only go as deep as you let him.

Why it feels good for him

He gets off on watching your body and what's happening -this position lays it all right in front of him. He can see your body clearly and watch the expression on your face as you approach orgasm. You might think breasts look ridiculous wobbling up and down; he thinks they look sexy. Not only that, he gets the double bonus of watching his penis disappear into your vagina while you do all the work. The pressure's off. You're looking after your own pleasure ( at lest in terms of penetration), and he doesn't have to worry about riming or depth.

Orgasm potential for her

Both his hands are free to caress your breasts and stimulate the clitoris (lean forward and lift up little for easier access). If you're a fan of the G-spot, this position is likely to hit (lean backward). It's also pretty easy for your to touch your own clitoris and bring yourself to orgasm while he's inside you.

              . "I hate getting on top. My legs cramp up, I feel stupid, and it hurts my back. I also hate doggie-style. It makes me feel cheap and undignified." Louise , 32, real estate agent.

How to make it even better

Try moving in small circles as you're lifting yourself up and down; tease him a little (or a lot ) by rubbing his erect penis over your vaginal lips, letting him enter just a fraction then denying him full penetration by lifting tantalizingly higher; turn him on by playing with your own breasts or your clitoris.

How to vary it

Face his toes instead of his head (resist the urge to do a 180-degree turn while impales unless you warn him first) ; get him to hold your waist to help you move up and down; lean forward or backward to experience the sensation of stimulation on different parts of your vaginal walls; lie (instead of sitting or crouching) on top of him with your legs outside or inside his; try him sitting in a chair of him, with you on his lap; try him sitting up with legs straight out in front of him, you on his lap; try him sitting up with legs straight out in front of him, you lower yourself onto his penis and sit with your knees bent and feet flat on the floor.

Comfort rating for him

Ten out of 10- what's not to like? Women are usually lighter than men, so he's unlikely to complain about your being too heavy.

Comfort rating for her

In can be tiring if you're using your legs to move up and down but think of it this way: you can skip the squat machine at the gym the next day.