Masturbation

Foreplay

Intercourse

Orgasm

Sexual Etiquette

Contraception and STIs

Performance problems

Serious Sex-related issues

Fantasies

Sex myths

Gay and Lesbian sex

Everyday couples, exceptional sex

Dear Diary, I had great sex today

 

Appendix: A Sex Dictionary



Hot And Cold In Sex

     

Masturbation

The first, most important, skip-it-and-you're-doomed step to becoming a sexpert.

Human beings are funny creatures. We'll chortle over whether to swallow or not swallow and turn that disastrous attempt at a new intercourse position into dinner party fodder, but when it comes to he most innocent, basic sexual etiquette act of all, we're about as likely to fess up as the guy in the corner suffering silently from an attack of hemorrhoids. We might well be the most sexually uninhibited generation so far, but masturbation particularly female masturbation still has a dirty name.
              Even my friends, used tone blurting out all sorts of bizarre sex statistics, aren't comfortable with it.
              "What do you do to break the boredom of sitting behind a computer for hours on end?" A girlfriend asked me recently, during lunch with a group of friends.
              "Drink coffee mostly," I answered. "Oh- and I masturbate. It's a little treat that breaks up the day and perks me up to no end."
              There was a deathly silence. Knives and forks paused midair; someone choked on a mouthful of wine. "Excuse me?" My friend sputtered, redder than the beets on her plate.
              "I said I take masturbation breaks," I repeated lamely. And even I started to feel a tad embarrassed.

              The fact is, although everybody does it (and if they don't, they should), few admit it and no one discusses it freely. Masturbation remains one of the few sex subjects that can make the most liberated person blush. The same girl who'll cheerfully masturbate when she's between partners feels guilty if she continues when she's getting regular sex. Lots of people still view masturbation as something you do when "you can't get any," fearing that if they're "reduced" to masturbating, they're not sexually desirable enough to score "the real thing."
              In reality, the more sexually active you are, the more likely you are to masturbate, regardless of whether you do or don't have a partner. Kinsey, the world's best known sex expert, found that women who have a history of masturbating are more likely to easily experience orgasm later in life with a partner. They also tend to have fewer sexual problems than women who don't indulge.

.               "You don't talk about it. The most you'll say to your friends is, 'I went home and jerked off.' But you always say it jokingly, so they don't really know if it's true. Not once has another guy ever turned to me and said, 'How do you do it?' if he did, I'd probably think he was gay." Scott, 18 student

This is one area where men are ahead. Most women masturbate about once a week, often not doing it regularly until their late teens. Most men masturbate at least twice as often, and started doing so around twelve or thirteen years of age. Of the women who have discovered its joys, virtually all can masturbate to orgasm - 95 percent of us, in fact (and some researchers put that figure even higher). On the opposite side, if you're a female who has never masturbated, statistics indicate it's quite likely you've never had an orgasm in your life. Pretty strong support for solo sex !
              The truth is good girls does it and if you never have and won't try, give up now on ever having a fulfilling sex life. Masturbation is a sure way (often the only way) to discover what turns you on sexually, and unless you know how to excite yourself, you've got zero chance of telling your partner how to. Few of us are lucky enough to start our sexual lives with a couple who's so patient and skilled he can teach us about our own body. Besides, masturbating is good for you. It releases tension, frees inhibitions, is gloriously liberating -and beats the hell out of counting sheep if you're having trouble dropping off!

.               The first time I masturbated, I was riddled with guilt. I'd heard horrible things about it: it was socially unacceptable, something you shouldn't do, it was dirty and messy. The general impression was only dirty old men do it. I now consider masturbating extremely healthy but while no one now really admit it either. My fantasies usually revolve around the person I'm with. I'll deliberately watch her face and her movements while we're making love, then replay them as I masturbate. I relive the sensations and try to copy the same technique she used on me to add reality. I love going down on her and most of my fantasies revolve around giving her oral sex. Sometimes, I'll catch myself moving my tongue as I'm masturbating, I'm so far into the fantasy ."..Tim 32, sales representative

Convinced but have no idea how it's done? It takes a brave person (and a few million drinks) to ask even your closest friend to tell you stroke-by-stroke how to do it. Luckily, you don't need to. In this chapter, you'll find no-nonsense, no-holds-barred, practical information on everything you ever wanted and needed to know about solo sex.

A Biology Lesson they didn't give you at school

              Sex is an acquired skill and you need to do your homework to become an expert. You'll never master the guitar without finding out where to put your fingers to play a chord, and sex is no different: you need to know some basic anatomy. Surprisingly few people take time out to discover how their body's sexual response system works. For men, this isn't too much of a problem. The penis is easy to study- all he has to do is look down and play around a little. Women's parts aren't in view, and it's for that reason I've directed both of the following biological body tours to females. Out of the two of you, you probably know least about research" -touching and testing the areas that are meant to feel good when stimulated- and you're well on the way to becoming a sexpert.
              It's best if you work through the anatomy and masturbation exercise solo first, before repeating the exercise with your partner. Learn how to give yourself maximum pleasure and you'll have more chance of successfully passing this knowledge on. Follow the directions faithfully and by the end of the chapter, you should both know you're own and each other's hot spots. There's no exam. I'm not suggesting either of you learn the correct technical terms for every part of each others genitals by heart. "Darling, do you like it when I touch you there?" is just as effective (if not as impressive) as "Would you like extra pressure on your frenulum while simultaneously stimulate the perineum?" But a little knowledge really does go a long way- especially in the bedroom

How the penis works

              You'll benefit more from this section if you have a real live specimen in front of you. Yes, I'm serious! Gather your courage and ask your partner to model for you -it's much easier to identify the parts we'll be talking about by looking at the real thing. Explain to him that you're giving yourself a lesson on how his penis woks so you can be better in bed. Assuming it's not your first date, he's unlikely to turn down the invitation. Just remember that the penis you're studying intently is still attached to a body. Your boyfriend will probably feel a little strange and shy to begin with and may be concerned he won't "measure up." Allay his fears by talking to him as you're examining and turn it into a lesson for two. Of course he knows which parts feel good when rubbed and which don't, but chances are he doesn't know the proper terms for them either!
              Think of his penis in your parts: the head or glans (the mushroom-shaped top of his penis); the urethra (the tiny slit at the top from which he urinates and ejaculates); the shaft (the length of his penis); and the frenulum (the small piece of skin where the head meets the shaft). Your partner may or may not have a foreskin (loose skin which covers the head of the penis). If he has been circumcised, this skin was probably removed when he was a baby. If he has not, the foreskin naturally pulls back to expose the head during sex intercourse, giving him the same sensations as a circumcised guy. Approach the foreskin with care: don't yank it back enthusiastically to see what's underneath. Use lubrications and ease it back gently-ask him to how you how he does it.
               . I'll masturbate about four or five times a week on average, everyday if I'm horny. No matter how sick or down I am, I still do it a minimum of once or twice a week - I've never been that sick that sex fades totally from my mind. It's no big deal really because it only takes a few minutes. I go into the bathroom and imagine some girl I've seen that day and thought was hot. Usually I come when I'm at the part in the fantasy where she's giving me a blow job. Her masturbating herself in front of me is another favorite." John, 22 student

As a general rule of thumb, the shaft of the penis is the lest sensitive part and the head the most. The head is extremely sensitive to stimulation because it contains numerous nerve endings that are close to the surface of the skin. In other words, he'll feel your touch here more than anywhere else. Even more sensitive is the frenulum. It's on the underside of his penis (the side closest to his testicles rather than his stomach). Find where the head meets the shaft and you'll see what looks like a puckering of skin in the middle. That's the frenulum -something you'll become very familiar with if you're interested in giving him pleasure!
              Penises vary in size but the average flaccid penis (not erect) is around 3.75 inches long and 1.5 inches in width. When he's aroused, the erectile tissues in his penis fill with blood and it grows and becomes firm. During orgasm ("coming"), he'll usually ejaculate, that is, propel semen (or sperm) out of his penis through a series of muscular contractions. Contrary to popular belief, orgasm and ejaculation are two separate processes that don't necessarily occur at the same time. sexual orgasm is the sensation; ejaculation is the discharge of sperm. He can ejaculate without having an orgasm, or have an orgasm without ejaculating. So he can fake it too!
              The scrotum is the pouch of skin at the bottom of his penis that holds the testes or testicles (balls). They have two functions: to produce sperm and to produce male hormones like testosterone. Some men like their scrotum licked, held, or gently massaged during sex. His anal region is also extremely sensitive but, again, some men like you to pay attention to it, some don't. The perineum is the area between the testes and the anus: it's rich in nerve endings and also responds to being stroked or licked.
              The male G-spot, now identified as the prostate gland, is found around the urethra at the neck of the bladder. I wouldn't advise cheerfully prodding the prostate gland during this exercise (unless, of course, he's aroused) - he's liable to shoot through the roof rather than find it a turn-on. Explore it during sex by inserting a well-lubricated finger gently into his anus and pressing against the front wall it feels like a firm mass about the size of a walnut. Massage it firmly or stroke it in a downward direction during oral sex or intercourse, preferably just before he orgasms.