Masturbation

Foreplay

Intercourse

Orgasm

Sexual Etiquette

Contraception and STIs

Performance problems

Serious Sex-related issues

Fantasies

Sex myths

Gay and Lesbian sex

Everyday couples, exceptional sex

Dear Diary, I had great sex today

 

Appendix: A Sex Dictionary



 

 

 

 

Hot And Cold In Sex

     

Orgasm

The 30 (if you're lucky) seconds we go to so-o-o-o much effort for

Rumor has it a group of scientists once electronically wired up a mouse so every time it pressed a lever, it triggered off an orgasm. The mouse died within twenty-four hours-from orgasm overdose. While the researchers were tucked up in their beds, he was pressing that lever over and over and over again until his little body could take no more. That's what I call dying with a smile on your face.
              The first person to dream up a human instant orgasm trigger will shoot up and off the Forbes list within weeks. And no prizes for guessing which sexual etiquette will be first in line to buy it. For him, orgasms seem to require the same amount of effort it takes to switch on the TV. With a remote control. For women, just learning how to have one often involves along, laborious mission of self-discovery. And even when we do master it, the little buggers sometimes still refuse to materialize on command when we're with a partner.
              Perhaps it's because, unlike men- who ejaculate life-giving semen when they orgasm-there's no obvious biological reason for women to have one. Some researchers believe they do have role in procreation because orgasms encourage us to have sex more often (upping the chance of our eggs being fertilized). Other studies show the contractions during orgasm make the cervix "dip" into the seminal fluid, giving the sperm a leg up on the way to meet the egg. Whatever. For women, climaxing sure as hell isn't as easy as painting by numbers. Which is why it's not realistic or sensible to expect you'll both be able to tick the "Yep, I had one" box every single time you make love.
              Sometimes he'll have one and you won't, other times you'll strike it lucky and he won't score, and on some occasions neither of you will climax. Orgasm shouldn't be the ultimate aim. Having said that, it's always rather nice if you do have one, which is why this chapter is entirely devoted to making both your orgasms more likely, frequent, and intense. Who knows? If you study hard enough, you might even beat the tally of one multiorgasmic woman who reputedly astonished sex researchers by having fifty orgasms in a row, stopping only when they ran out of male volunteers. (Shame the mouse wasn't around!)

              . Orgasms promote cardiovascular conditioning, make the skin glow, improve overall body tone, and can cure menstrual cramps. The emotional release makes us feel less irritable and more relaxed.

What Do orgasms feel like?

The first time I had an orgasm I thought I'd wet myself. I was staying with my sister and discovered a personal massager, shoved in turned it on, and watched it vibrate, then thought, "Hmmm, I wonder what would happen if I just held it pressed against here for a second. Oh! That feels great sex today, I'll just do it for a little bit longer and .OH MY GOD! What the hell was that!" I looked down at the floor in astonishment, convinced I'd some totally bizarre bladder attack. I had no idea I'd just orgasmed, but I knew something had happened.
              Which is why when women ask me, "How do I know if I've had one?" my answer is always this: if you have to ask, you haven't had a clitoral orgasm, though you may have climaxed vaginally. Vagina orgasms feel wonderful but they're sometimes vague and undramatic. Clitoral orgasms are peel-me-off-the -ceiling stuff. The feeling is so powerful and unmistakable, you've got as much chance of missing it as you have of not noticing a bring green alien sitting in your living room.

              . Number of women who think it's important to satisfy their couple during sex: 34 percent. Number who think it's important to satisfy themselves: 50 percent.

But even if they know they orgasm (and do so frequently), most women and men are curious about them. Do they feel the same for everyone? Are theirs different from other people's? biologically, everyone moves through the same stages. We become aroused , then move to a plateau phase (highly aroused), on to orgasm , then resolution (when the body returns to normal). Psychologically, it's unlikely everyone experiences the same sensations, since orgasms appear to be as individual as the people who here's what one representative of each sex said when asked to describe what their orgasms felt like from the very first, tentative flutter right through to the passionate finale.

What she feels

"Sex with someone new, that I'm crazy about but haven't slept with yet, is different from sex with a long-term boyfriend. I'm usually wet the whole time I'm around a new guy- sometimes even thinking about him makes me lubricate. I'm more turned-on but, ironically, I'm often too turned-on to orgasm clitorally because when we finally get down to it, all I really want is penetration. I have a dull, aching feeling in my lower belly and a need to be 'filled up.'
              "No matter where he touches, it all seems directly linked to my vagina, making it throb until I can't wait for him to be inside. Inevitably, the initial thrust is the best because it satisfies that need immediately.
              "If he's big and thrusts long and hard, the aching feeling builds and then peaks, spreading into mild, pleasurable waves which I feel deep inside. My vagina seems to spasm, but less fiercely than with a clitoral orgasm. Vaginal orgasms affect a larger area- like waves of pleasure are crashing all over my body. Clitoral orgasms all radiate from the clitoris. They're more euphoric explosion, as eruption.
              "I can masturbate to a clitoral orgasm within a few minutes but I need to know and relax with a partner before he can give me one. That's because I have to concentrate, block him out of the picture and focus entirely on the sensation. In other wards, I have to think about me, not him. Oral sex orgasms are the best - really intense, strong, and powerful. When he starts, I feel in credibly sensitive and everything feels great. The sensation then becomes sharper and isolates around the clitoris. It's weird, but sometimes it feels as though the rest of my body disappears and all that's left is that tiny little are. If someone chopped my arm off at that point, I wouldn't know; all I'm aware of is what's happening to that inch or less of flesh.
              "At that point, I deliberately tense up the muscles in my legs and buttocks. I start to feel really hot, almost like I'm burning up, then, as I climax, my vagina starts jerking and pulsating and there's a few seconds of exquisite sensation. Even if I don't make any noise, I can't help breathing heavily and faster. Sometimes, I'll have three or four intense spasms, then nothing. Other times, especially if he continues licking softly, they're followed by smaller waves, spaced less closely. Sometimes I'll ejaculate fluid- or at least it feels like I do but I've masturbated and checked the sheets and there's nothing there. After orgasm, I push him away immediately- I'm way too sensitive to be touched. The orgasm itself lasts about ten seconds but it feels much longer. I'm completely exhausted afterward and don't want him anywhere near me. I feel a bit faint, so lie back for a minute or two. I guess that's why French women nickname orgasm Le petit mort, the little death.

              . Men aren't the only one who have "wet dreams." Up to 40 percent of women have woken in the throes of orgasm.

              "I don't think most women have orgasms. Lots of women think they have them because sensations build then ebb away but that's not an orgasm, that's just desire. in some ways, I'd like to be a male because it seems so easy for them. Men try to put off their orgasms for as long as possible but women are always trying to induce theirs. I don't know any woman who, when she feels an orgasm coming, tried to stop it. why would she? Women have to be in a certain head space to come; they're not that easy to achieve. I guess the equalizer is men's orgasms seems quicker than ours and they can't have them as often."

What he feels

"Penises have a mind of their won. If I'm seeing a girl that night and know I'll be having sex, I'll look down during the day and find I've got an erection even though I' m not aware of it. obviously my subconscious is shaving a heyday.
              "Despite what women think, the more teasing and foreplay the better. The feeling of your penis filling up with blood and becoming erect is fantastic. It happens really quickly - one minute it's flaccid, the next ready for action. I'm not conscious of my nipples becoming erect or anything but I feel tingly everywhere. I'll put off the moment of penetration for as long as possible- the anticipation is almost as good as the real thing.
              "Girls, if you're with a guy who's trying to rush things at this point, you can bet he's trying to hurry everything up in case you change your mind! spontaneous, fast sex is great but usually, the more touching and caressing she does the better.
              "Just before I climax, I can feel the sperm traveling up the shaft in a rush of fluid. Once you feel that happening, ejaculation is inevitable. If I try and stop it because I want it to last longer, the sperm still comes out but it feels all rushed and I don't feel fulfilled. It's a bit like being fed chocolate cake intravenously: the end result is the same but there's no pleasure in it. My brain has to be conscious of me having an orgasm before it registers the nice part; your body and mind have to be in tune.
              "Orgasm is a release. It feels like you've been holding on to something forever and are then allowed to let go. The sperm pumps out in jerky spasms and you feel this body-shattering intense pleasure. My orgasm seems to last about six seconds though my friends have told me theirs last only two to three. I'm either lucky or my sense of timing is shot!
              "If I haven't had sex with a girls for a while, it's best if I masturbate a few times first, otherwise I come too quickly and it doesn't feel as good. I think most men are always trying to think of ways to make their orgasms last longer because they're usually so short. They feel different when she fellates me, more acute and protracted. I'd never knock a blow job, but there's something about being inside her that I prefer.
              "Sperm is such an integral part of coming yet most women say they say they can't feel it shooting into them. That's kind of disappointing for men.
              "I lose my erection within seconds when my penis is removed from the vagina and hits cold air; once I've come, it's like all over, that's it. Then I need quiet time to chill out, even though I do feel close to my partner if I love her. unlike women, our orgasms don't seem to vary as dramatically in a physical sense, but some do feel different than others. what makes them stand out isn't what's happening to your body but your head and your heart. If you're with someone you want to snuggle with afterward, that's what makes them special."