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The Faces of Love and Sex

The Love World

The Sexual Stage

Sex and The senses

Common Sex Positions

Variations - Standard and Exotic

Other Entry Ports

Rhythm and Release

Love Songs

Love Machines and Love Potions


Sexual insight and Destiny:  Finding New Fulfillment Afterword


Sexual fantasy is a universal outgrowth of being human. In fact, the ability to project ourselves into situations that have not happened, and may never happen, is one of the things that distinguishes us from all other animals. Yet the kinds of fantasies that we have, the purposes to which we put them, may differ extraordinarily from person to person.One person's pleasurable fantasy maybe another's dreaded nightmare. Like all our other modes of being in the world, our fantasies define our uniqueness as individuals.

Fantasy originates in the imagination in fact, the love word for "imagination" in German is Phantasie. In psychoanalytic and psychological terms, fantasies are mental productions that take place during the day. Dr. Jerome L. Singer has divided these "daydreams" into four major categories. Some individuals have anxious or distracted daydreams and take little pleasure in the practice. A second group has guilty daydreams, which may show a combination of great striving for achievement and a marked fear of failure. Whether they are men or women, people in this group appear to be strongly oriented toward masculine concerns in our society. A third groups has "happy" daydreams, positive, vivid, and oriented toward the future. A Fourth, less common sex group has daydreams of an objective and thoughtfully controlled nature.

The fantasies of any given individual, I have found, fall into specific patterns that exactly reflect the emotional content of that person's life. There are some fantasies that are so common as to be nearly universal -known to analysts by such names as the Oedipal fantasy, the beating fantasy, the family romance fantasy, etc. Yet even these common fantasies, despite the similarity of their general format, will be filled in by each individual with details that make the daydream unique to that person. The degree to which human beings are able to make a particular fantasy their own is illustrated by a literary experiment of a number of years ago. A publisher gave a dozen well-known writers a brief plot outlive and asked each of them to write a short story using the characters and situations provided. Yet none of the twelve stories was at all alike, so varied were the points of view from which the different writers approached the give situations. Indeed, each writer found a different writers approached the given situations. Indeed, each writer found a different "meaning" in the events described.

Fantasies with sexual content may occur at a very young age. But it is not until early adolescence that young people being to have fantasies that they would recognize as sexual. Usually, such sexual fantasies occur in boys about two years later than they do in girls. Girls tend to have idealized fantasies with a "Prince Charming" theme, imagining a lover who will take care of them and change their lives. It may be that with the ongoing changes in sexual and social mores, the fantasies of young girls are also changing somewhat. In general, however, girls fantasize about being loved, while boys fantasize about engaging in love sex and and the seduction of females. Perhaps because their fantasies are less explicit than those of boys, girls share them with their peers more than boys do.

A frequent way in which both sexes express their sexual fantasies is through their use with masturbation . From puberty onward, human beings use fantasy as a way of entering the love world. Long before the teenager has had any actual experience of intercourse , he or she imagines a partner, seeking through fantasy the desired unity and sense of transcendence. Some young people, of course, becomes trapped in their fantasies. Their imaginary sexual encounters are "safer" and less challenging than intercourse with an actual partner, and the real experience may be postponed well into the twenties or beyond when anxieties concerning intimacy, physicality, or commitment inhibit the person from establishing adult fulfillment afterword.Fantasies, however, should not be seen as being in opposition to reality. They may sometimes be substituted for reality, but more often they are used in ways that enable the individual to open up additional aspects of the world. Fantasies exist at all levels and through all phases of the love experience. They play a particularly active part in the initial crystallization of love. As individuals fall in love, they use fantasy to bring the desired partner closer to the center of their lives. Because fantasies transcend chronological time, they open up to the fantasist the possibility of living in an expanded world that includes the partner.

Studies by Dr. Singer and Dr. Barbara Hariton have confirmed that many ordinary women, suburban housewives, have fantasies while engaged in intercourse with their husbands. Their fantasies commonly involve images of romantic lovers, being forced to surrender, reliving previous the sexual stage , the idea of delighting many men, or imagining that they are observing themselves or other having sex. Those who have positive and vivid daydreams are particularly likely to have fantasies during coitus. Generally they do not report dissatisfaction with their husband; rather, their erotic fantasies are "a natural continuation of their predispositions to elaborate and enrich all kind of experience through fantasy ." The anxious daydreamers were found more likely to express dissatisfaction with their husbands and with the sexual act in general. Some women imagined infidelity during intercourse itself. But interestingly, some of these women regarded themselves as happily married; others did not. In both cases the fantasies were used to stimulate arousal or bring on orgasm.