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The Faces of Love and Sex

The Love World

The Sexual Stage

Sex and The senses

Common Sex Positions

Variations - Standard and Exotic

Other Entry Ports

Rhythm and Release

Love Songs

Love Machines and Love Potions


Sexual insight and Destiny:  Finding New Fulfillment Afterword

Love Songs

The sounds -or Lack of them -that human beings utter during sexual intercourse tend to reflect, like their sex positions and habits, these individuals' overall ways of living in the world. These sounds may be divided into two major categories: First, there is actual verbalization, the speaking of specific worlds; second, there is vocalizations, the uttering of wordless sounds.

The verbalizations may be subdivided into three types: (1) coprophemic or "dirty" the love words; (2) expressions of endearment, like "I love you"; and (3) measures of guidance, such as "Quickly, quickly" or "Now, now." Some individuals make use of all these types; others, of none. What is more, these various kinds of verbalization tend to be employed during different phases of the sexual cycle for very different purposes.

It is interesting to note that in any given language there are only a few specifically dirty words. And in most languages they are short worlds, particularly suitable as expletives. In American English the basic list of dirty words includes "ass," "balls,' "cock," "prick," "cunt," "pussy," "twat," "fuck," "piss," and "shit." There are a few words of more than one syllable that; are not really sexual in connotation, such as "asshole" and "bastard." There are also certain technical or scientific words, such as "fellatio," "cunnilingus," and "masturbation ," which some people consider "dirty." Finally, certain common English verbs become obscene only when used in a sexually connotative way -among these are "to lick," "to suck," "to brown," "to come," and "to ball."

The fact that each culture designates only a few words as taboo paradoxically demonstrates the importance to hum beings of such words. If there were too many of them, they would become less powerful. As with pornographic materials, men have in the past made more use of and appeared to be more stimulated by dirty words than women. Once again this seems to show the influence of cultural conditioning and has been changing in recent years. nevertheless, for most people the taboo words continue to be more shocking when uttered by a woman. Women sometimes suggests than the male fascination with dirty words is a kind of childishness. One of the more eloquent statements of this idea was made a number of years ago by Lady Attlee in her first parliamentary speech after becoming a member of the British House of Lords. The speech concerned the Wolfenden Act, which removed criminal penalties from homosexual acts. Many of the lords had expressed their "disgust" at the very thought of practicing the sexual stage acts; childing her male colleagues, Lady Attlee stated that no woman who had been through the experience of child-birth could or should find any function of the human body disgusting.

The use of dirty words during sex is usually limited to the arousal and plateau phase. For partners who do not know one another well, the use of the phrase "Let's fuck" is a way of distancing the act of sex from emotional involvement. If the person using this phrase is uncertain whether the other individual wants to have sex, these bald words make clear that a challenge, rather than a plea, is being uttered and thus make it easier to accept a possible refusal. On the other hand, the occasional use of these words between long-term partners can be a way of reintroducing sex and sense of excitement into an expected sexual episode.

During the plateau phase the use of dirty words usually indicates a need on the part of the person uttering them for additional stimulation, a spur to further excitement. Those who chronically use such expletives, however, are likely to have a different purpose, using the words to distance the self emotionally from the sexual act in much the same way as a fetishist uses objects.

Expressions of endearment are at the opposite end of the spectrum from the coprophemic words. Interestingly, just as some people have great difficulty in saying a dirty word, others find it difficult to express endearments. But while the inability to say a dirty word may indicate inhibitions concerning the physicality of sex, the inability to express endearments shows a fear of intimacy and commitment.

Endearments are commonly used during the arousal phase, the plateau phase, and the resolutions phase. For reasons that will shortly become apparent , both endearments and other specific words are less likely to be used during the orgasmic phase. In general, women appear to regard expressions of endearment as more important than men do, particularly during the resolution phase. The resolution phase is physically of longer duration in women that it is in men. Once the man has ejaculated , his sexual drive in most cases rapidly declines, and a pause is necessary before he can become aroused once again. Many women, however, remain sexual insight for some minutes after orgasm has occurred. During this extended resolution period many women find it particularly important to be held, caressed, and talked to. In troubled marriages a common complaint of the wives is that as soon as their husbands have had an orgasm, they just "roll over and go to sleep"; significantly, the same women often state that their husbands never say, "I love you," and seem to find it difficult to utter endearments in general. Even among men who do express endearments, they may often be couched in physical rather than emotional terms. Thus, instead of "I love you," the man  will say, "You're gorgeous," "You're beautiful," or "That was terrific."