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Overcoming Sexual Inadequacy

Since there are several major types of sexual inadequacy the treatment of this disability will be discussed under main headings: (a) Arousing desire in difficult instances; (b) achieving orgasm in difficult cases; and (c) retarding orgasm .

          Arousing desire in difficulties instances.In most instances, sexual desire is easily and spontaneously aroused, in accordance with the principles of stimulation which we previously outlined in physical methods and intercourse steps. If you mate is difficult to arouse, you should re-read these principles and make every effort systematically and persistently to apply them.

          Where difficulties of arousal still remain, it may mean that the individual to be excited is not too well endowed physically (for example, has a sluggish nervous system or endocrine imbalance),is physically tired or debilitated, has been having orgasms too frequently, is not being stimulated properly, or has various psychological rules against arousal.

          If you or your mate are not easily arousable, the following steps may be effective:

          1. The relatively unarousable individuals should have a complete physical examination to determine whether there are physical causes of his or her condition. In accordance with a physician's instruction, he or she may be placed on a proper regimen or diet, sufficient sleep, adequate exercise, vitamin injections, etc. Sometimes, hormone treatments, such as the use of androgens with a male or a female, may be helpful (Benjamin, 1958; Kupperman 1959, 1960). Minor operations, prostatic massage, treatment of organic disorders, and other forms of medical intervention can also bring quick relief in about five to ten percent of the cases where an individual is sexually below par (Mozes 1959c).

          2. The partner who is not easily arousable should engage in sex relations at a time best suited for his or her excitability: for example, when he or she is relaxed, well rested, not pressed for time, away from troubling circumstances, and so forth.

          3. The partner who is to do the arousing should make overtures at a time a when the mates have been getting along excellently together and when there is a minimum of strain and hostility between them. Occasionally, a not easily excitable mate requires a sado-masochistic tiff with his or her partner in order to stir desire; and if this preference for sado-masochism is mild, It can be catered to. In the majority of instances, however, sex desires is more likely to be aroused by kindness, consideration, and love for one's mate-particularly when this kindness persists in spite of the mate's relative unarousability.

          4. Special care should be taken to locate and adequately to stimulate the particular erogenous zones of the individual who is not easily aroused. Sometimes, because of deficient tactile sensitivity or a relatively unresponsive nervous system, such persons need quite prolonged fondling or vigorous pressing, slapping, kneading, squeezing, pinching, or biting of their erogenous zones.

          Thus, Lester Dearborn (personal communication) indicates that some females are unusually stimulated by having their buttocks slapped, even though the average female may never desire or require this form of stimulation. Although the more easily aroused partner may not require any kind of persistent or vigorous caressing or kissing, there is no reason why he or she cannot employ it with the less easily excited mate (Mehta, 1938).

          5. For many though by no means all non easily arousable individuals, kisses and caresses other than directly genital ones are a waste of time and may even be irritating and anti-exciting. These individuals often need steady, intense, prolonged stimulation of the most sensitive parts of their genitals; and, if so, that is what they should have. For males who become aroused but easily lose their erections, if the female closes her thighs after penetration, the pressure of her vulva may help the penis, especially if it is a small one, to maintain erection (Lewin and Gilmore, 1951).

          6. Non-easily aroused partners frequently require more sexual varietism than more easily excitable mates. They may develop temporary anesthesia for one kind of stimulation and should therefore be offered a variety of other kinds.

          7. Where one mate is at first unexcited during sex relations, it may be advisable for the partners to separate for awhile, take a resting period, and then return to sex play after a period of time has elapsed. Sometimes, of course, sex will have to be given up for an entire evening, to be resumed the next day or night. At other times, a half hour or more of rest and relaxation may put one of the mates in a sexual mood even though at first he or she was thoroughly unaroused.

          8. In some instances, where there are mild psychological blocks or physical deficiencies, sex arousal may be helped by a physician's prescribing sex hormones, strychnine nitrate, mild intake of alcohol, or other drugs. Kelly (1953) reports that the application of camphor menthol ointment to the clitoris or liberal rubbing in of hand lotions ointment to the clitoris or liberal rubbing in of hand lotions to the vulva will increase desire in some women.

          9. Psychological stimulation is most important in perhaps the majority of cases where the individual is relatively anesthetic. The unaroused partner can help in this connection by deliberately focusing on whatever ideas are sexually exciting to him or her; and the other partner can help by providing verbal and other materials which may arouse the mate for example, by saying words of endearment, talking about sexually exciting situations, showing distinct interest in the mate, recalling aloud previously stimulating encounters, showing confidence that the partner can be aroused, providing sexually arousing photographic or written materials, etc.

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