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Physical Methods of Arousing a Sex Partner

Erogenous zones. The chief physical methods of arousing someone sexually consist of touching. Stroking, caressing, massaging, manipulating, squeezing, pressing, kissing, or biting the genitals themselves and some of the so-called erogenous zones. The erogenous zones are those parts of the person's body which are well supplied with nerve endings that respond to touch or pressure and which easily communicate their nervous responses to the centers of sexual arousal in the spinal cord and brain.

          In most individuals the genitals themselves are the primary erogenous zones. The majority of males are most sensitive genitally at the head of the penis and the under side of the shaft about an inch in back of the head. The rest of their genitals, including the shaft of the penis and the scrotum, are also likely to be rather sensitive, though not nearly so much as the head and underside of the shaft.

          Most females are exquisitely sensitive at the clitoris, inner lips, and vestibule of the vagina and are secondarily sensitive at the rest of their genitals. The vagina itself is not particularly sensitive to touch but may respond to pressure (Guze, 1960; Krantz, 1958). In many women the upper wall of the lower part of the vagina, where the roots of the clitoris are located, is quite susceptible to stimulation.

          The non-genital erogenous zones in both sexes are probably more numerous than has generally been previously indicated in sex manuals and may include the lips, ear lobes, scalp, neck, armpits, breasts (especially the nipples), buttocks, anus, thighs, small of the back, spinal column, and shoulders. As in most aspects of sexual technique, the watchword in regard to locating and stimulating any individual's erogenous zones is: Be alert to individual differences. Also: experiment.

          Many men and women, either because of their peculiar physical makeup or because of the influence of some early instilled prejudices, are insensitive or irritable in some regions where, theoretically, they should react the most. Thus, a minority of women have little or no breast excitability; many shy away from all anal stimulation; and many are over sensitive or insensitive in their clitoral regions and balk at any direct contact with the clitoris (which may be because adhesions between the prepuce and clitoris, with clumps of cells beneath, make clitoral stimulation irritating instead of pleasurable; but which may also be because these women just do not enjoy clitoral contact or are overly sensitive to it). At the same time, a considerable number of males, because of psychological intercourse or insensitive nerve endings, are not particularly aroused by caressing or kissing of their ear lobes, breasts, or scrotum.

          On the other hand, a good many individuals may go into paroxysms of sexual joy when they are stimulated, in regions which, according to the textbooks, should leave them as cold as a cucumber.  W. E. Parkhurst (personal communication indicates that light and delicate stroking motions of the inside of the forearm. directly above the wrist, will Significantly arouse many women.

          Other experiments have found other out of the way spots that work wonders in different individuals (Grafenberg. 1950). Unless, therefore, you venture widely in this respect with your own sex partner, you may easily over look his or her most vitally alive potentialities for sexual arousal.

          Another word of caution here: In practically all matters of sex it is foolish to take an initial No for a final answer. If human being sex  only tried something once and for all and never repeated their original trial unless they immediately derived enormous joy, many of the most intensely pleasurable delights such as eating oysters, imbibing Martinis, and going skiing would hardly exist. Therefore: if your mate, at first blush, doesn't seem to become aroused by a certain kind of caress or kiss, by all means try, try again until you are fully convinced that that maneuver is just not his or her cup of tea. Do not force any sexual issue: but neither should you be too easily discouraged.

          Patience, as Katz (1956) stresses, "will insure your success. A calm, confident attitude is reassuring to your mate and will keep her from feeling frustrated and upset. It takes time to learn techniques, and it takes time to achieve a satisfactory sexual relationship. If you can accept occasional failures and disappointments as normal, you will find most of your sexual relations to be very satisfactory. Berg and Street (1953) endorse this position and note that kissing and caressing of a woman's erogenous zones should usually take fifteen minutes before intercourse is attempted even though she may be sufficiently aroused in less than five minutes, The other ten minutes properly utilized can stimulate her to even greater heights of excitement.

          It should be remembered, at the same time, that some women and many men begin to become bored and to cool off sexually if foreplay is continued for too long a period of time, Such individuals may have to be given a resting period before they can satisfactorily continue to have relations: or else they can be brought to the point of orgasm by the other partner, who can later be satisfied after the first mate has achieved climax,

          As long as there is no arbitrary insistence that both partners must be fully aroused and have their orgasm at exactly the same time, spouses with widely differing periods of arousability should have little difficulty in satisfying each other, Preferably, however, the mate who is aroused more easily can learn to hold back full participation, especially by avoiding genital contact with the other mate, until his or her partner is also fully aroused and actively desires intercourse or other orgasm-producing contact.

         psychological technique. The two main methods of arousing a sex partner to a peak of excitement are caressing and kissing, the details of which have often been sadly neglected in Western texts on lovemaking. Eastern works on erotology have been more explicit; and the earliest of these works which has survived, Vatsyayana's Kama Sutra (which dates back at least to the sixth century A. D,) details numerous ways of eight major methods of pressing, marking, or scratching with the nails, and eight different modes of biting.

          The sense of touch, as Van de Velde (1926) indicates, is the most important of all the senses in sexual matters: and the primary organ for arousing a member of the other sex is not a male's penis or a woman's vagina but the farmer's forefinger and the latter's hand. The possibilities of caressing, touching and stroking your partner's erogenous zones are infinitely varied and should be approached with considerable imagination, experimentation, and curiosity.

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