ON FANTASY AND VARIETY IN SEX

Can you tell me biblically the difference between lust and fantasy:The distinction   often made between fantasy and lust   is that  in lust  there is  usually an intense   desire with hope or possibility of action, whereas  fantasy is thought  to be something within a person without   any intention to act. 

Fantasies are often  so unrealistic that they  would be impossible to carry out.  Lust usually  has to do with  real people in real places .Thinking  of the sexual act between  people  in general  should be avoided.

There are many difference of opinion on this issue.  Some people’s thought while love-making  only enhance the experience. For others they get in the  way.  Fantasize   take on so many different forms that it is  difficult  to make a specific  statement  which applies to all people in all situations. 

For some, the only way they   know to get aroused to the point of orgasm is to engage   in some fantasy.  Since  this brings pleasure to both , it is difficult to say that they should or eve  could  avoid that  activity.

If pre-marital play,  not necessarily intercourse, has occurred before how can we best  forget  those experiences and avoid comparing them to our present sex life?

Comparing usually  causes difficulties only when the current partner  does not  measure up.  We need to  be careful how we make  that evaluation, however since pre-marriage  and pre-intercourse experience can never  can never  really be compared  with what happens after marriage and after we begin full love-making. 

Sometimes it is  most beneficial to be able to  share all of these   concerns with someone.  A competent   counsellor or pastor may be just such a sounding board.  This sharing is not designed to relieve the past  experiences but rather to get  them out in the open. 

This may free you to move on to a fully satisfying experience with your husband or wife.  Keep in mind, too that God has forgiven you.  Only you are  holding on to the past to keep you from complete joy.

What if you aren’t in the mood?  Should you go along to please  your mate: At various  times all of us will “not feel like it” but  will decide to go ahead and be involved  sexually because our  partner desires.  There is the possibility that we may become   responsive even if we are not initially in the mood.  If we never find ourselves  interests eh mood, then there is a serious barrier with which we must deal. 

Begin by talking with each other about this,  and then seek competent help.  If lack of interest is only an  occasional state, it  need to not cause  concern since it is not likely to have significant impact  on you or your  spouse.  There are many times when we  may not be in the mood. 

If we are  open to letting the mood change without  pressure or demand  for that, often it will come.  Occasionally we might even go against our mood.

What is the relationship  between sexual fulfillment and length of marriage:We have known  couples who  have been married six months who are  experiencing unbelievable fulfillment.  We have also  known  couples who have been married thirty years who have never had a fulfilling sexual experience together. 

For some  couples, surprisingly,  complete fulfillment keeps expanding  and becoming  even more fulfilling.  This is one of the ways that good marriages  seem to be reinforced.  The Lord keeps giving more and more to enjoy as we give ourselves totally to each  other

How do I make something better  that is  already good?  Both of us are satisfied and both reach orgasm.  What more can be done?
            What a delightful problem to have!  As with any other  aspect of life, we can always keep moving  toward  perfection.  In the sexual area we can keep  learning to give  more and experience more.  We are not speaking here of greater  frequency  but rather depth and greater  intensity.   Expand your experience  into new places, new  experimentation, new  books or new seminars.  Look for ways  to out give and outlive one another.

A woman can have six to eleven or more orgasms  while  the man  has one.”  Could this be  true: The woman has an infant capacity for orgasms, but the  drive for this should not be the husband’s,  nor should  it grow out of some demand she is  putting on herself.  Rather, it should come from within  herself.   Many women are fully satisfied   with one orgasms  and need nothing  more. 

Others always   prefer two or three.  Some women  prefer repeated  orgasmic release during   a given experience, but this does not   say  that they are free women or better  lovers. 

Any time we establish and outside criterion to evaluate  how we are  doing,  we are not  listening to how God made us and responding in terms of ourselves.   Once we  establish   an  outside criterion we detract from what is  natural.