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BECOME A SENSUAL LOVER

 

More often however, arousal is a much slower process, particularly for a woman, and a couple will went to enjoy a longer period of sensuous touching, kissing and stroking. This build-up to intercourse is what is meant by 'foreplay'. Do remember that successful foreplay really needs to be regarded as a period of great mutual pleasure, and not looked upon by the man as a boring chore. Skilful lovers enjoy the sense of gently controlling their partner's enjoyment, and find foreplay extends and intensifies their own pleasure.

Kisses and fingertip strokes

            It is best to start with short kisses and fingertip strokes on the delicate areas of skin, avoiding the genitals in this early stage. Apart from the genitals, there are a number of sensitive areas of the body that you can touch to arouse a woman. Broadly speaking they are the mouth, breasts, back of the neck, lowest part of the spine, the inner things, the buttocks, the areas behind the knees, and the palms of the hands.

Private endearments

            Words can be as powerful as actions in foreplay; exciting the imagination is a very important factor in sexual stimulating the body. Soft words and private endearments are effective scene setters that make a woman feel wanted, desired and loved. Many couples like to be uninhibited in their language in bed, and along with increasing exploration of your partner's body, this; can be something that many women find exciting and suggestive.
            Use your tongue and lips to caress her sensitive areas, and indulge in the sheer sensuality of long, deep kisses. It is strange but true that many men get so carried away with heavy love-making that they completely forget to kiss their wives. Yet few caresses or endearments are more loving or erotic than a kiss. Traditionally it is the man who slips his tongue between his partner's lips, reflecting the idea of the male taking the sexual initiative. However, a woman should not feel shy about being the more aggressive partner in deep kissing - a man is likely to find to it very flattering.
            So gently probe the inside of your lover's mouth with the tips of your tongue, exploring the soft inner lips and the moist inner cheeks. Murmured endearments interspersed with kisses can be very erotic. The three words 'I love you' can be the greatest aphrodisiac. On the whole, men have a tendency to be too rough during foreplay. Most of the sensitive areas of skin react much more to delicate stroking by fingertips or tongue. Although the buttocks are one area that many women like to have squeezed or playfully slapped. Fondling the breasts is an instinctive part of foreplay to all men; cupping and kneading them is very stimulating, but they shouldn't be treated like toys to be squeezed or pulled at will. Touching the nipple will make it erect with excitement, and caressing the very tip with your tongue is something most women will find highly erotic technique.
            The most important part of the vulva for the purposes of effective foreplay is the clitoris. Put at its simplest the clitoris is the most sensitive part of a woman. It's a tiny bud-like knob hidden under a hood of skin at the top end of the vulva. It is crammed with nerve endings and blood vessels and is, in effect, a mind-penis; when it is stimulated it swells, in most women peeping out from the clitoral hood just like an erection. Usually a finger slipped into the vagina and worked gently around will increase the secretion of the vaginal walls. Remember that even if she feels very moist when you first explore the genitals, she will probably still want further stimulation of the vulva so that she is lubricated enough and is aroused to the point where she can enjoy sexual intercourse. Shallow strokes of the fingertips around the lips of the vulva can be teasingly delicious - even running up to the public hair or down across the sensitive area between the vagina and the anus, the perineum.
            Stroking around the sides and top of the clitoris (a gentle, undulating pressure rater than creating friction) is often the most effective. As you move your fingers keep scooping up moisture form the vagina to keep the clitoris well lubricated. Try stimulating the vagina and clitoris together; slip your middle finger inside her with your palm upwards, and the knuckle of your forefinger will be resting on her clitoris. Moving your hand gently backwards and forwards will give intense pleasure. A woman will always want to enjoy the sense of penetration by your penis.
            There is little doubt that men have a stronger overt sex drive and are more open in their desire for sexual contact than women. Recent research has shown that there are both physical fitness and social reasons for this stronger sex drive. For men, orgasm and intercourse are inevitably linked. It is very rare that a man fails to experience orgasm through intercourse, so for him, the sexual act is something that is sure to provide a pleasure so intense that it is well worth seeking. It is socially acceptable for men to enjoy a want sex, men with great sexual process, such as the legendary Casanova, have become great heroes. Needless to say, a woman who exhibited the same desire for sex as the great lover would almost certainly be condemned, or be though of as 'loose' by society.
            Men are expected to be lustful-in fact, men who fail to show an interest in sex are treated with suspicion. It is normal for a man openly to admire girls in the street or on television, be interested in titillating literature and to actively-seek sexual contact. Sex is also associated with dominance and power and is often regarded, by men and women alike, as simply one more sphere in which a man can prove his virility.
            There are a number of reasons why women have a less intense sex drive than men. One important factor is that many women find it difficult to achieve orgasm. This is perfectly normal and is nothing to feel inadequate about. Achieving orgasm does not come through intercourse alone but is achieved by skilled lovemaking Techniques and the stimulation of sensitive areas such as the clitoris. Unless a woman has a partner who understands this, she may find orgasm impossible to achieve. Even with the right man, many women do not always experience orgasm though intercourse. Very few parents point out to daughters that sex is a joyous, pleasurable thing. There is still a tendency for some mothers to make it out to be a 'duty' - something that men need and women have to tolerate. Very few girls are taught to regard sex as something to look forward to, something to enjoy, or even to take the initiative or an equal part in.
            Being in love is the greatest stimulant any couple could ever hope to find. Most couples find that they are much more sexually active in the early days of marriage health, while their love is still new, than when they are more accustomed to one another. By the same token, many partners find that after a brief separations their sex drive is very strong. In the end, there are no aphrodisiacs as powerful as love, caring and consideration.
            Of course, a man needs relatively little encouragement to get an erection, but when making love foreplay plays an integral part in creating that warm, wanted feeling that bonds lovers together. Sexplay can be varied to include striptease, massage and dressing up. Soft lights and sweet music are not just 'silly' female notions of romance-men can often appreciate them just as much. Whispered endearments, which can include quite explicit promises of how you are going to make love to him, can be very effective in exciting a man.
            For example, men like kisses too. The deeper, moister and more lingering, the better, using lips, inner lips and tongue, just like penetration in miniature. Be sure to lie down somewhere warm and comfortable together, and begin by stroking his naked skin. Most men want more from sex than a quick thrill. A woman can make sex a much more sensitive and involving experience for her lover, by lingering over the initial stages of making love.

  1. Arousing each other with a deep lingering kiss.
  2. Earlobes are very sensitive to gentle nibbling.
  3. Licking a nipple-one of a man's few erogenous zones.
  4. Relaxed, leisurely massage can be a turn-on.
  5. Using the mouth and tongue, as well as the hands to explore the body.
  6. Squeezing and stroking the penis gently gives intense pleasure.

Men's nipples can also harden and grow erect with pleasure. Try giving them little pinches between thumb and fore-finger, little nips with your teeth for flicks with the tip of your tongue. A man's ultimate sexual pleasure is almost entirely centred in his sexual relationship. There is nothing more natural than a woman's appreciation of her lover's body using all her sensuality. Women themselves are often shy in turning their attention to a man's genitals, not knowing how to handle them to give pleasurable sensations and not daring to ask what feels good. One thing is always true-loving words help. You can express pleasure at his erection while cradling his penis in you hands and then begin to massage it gently with a slow rubbing motion.
            Don't forget his testicles, which are extremely sensitive to gentle stimulation. Gently cup them in your hands, appreciating their weight and fullness by holding them. Caressing are squeezing them softly can be a delectable turn-on the male. No one can be expected to have complete insight into someone else's desires, so unless you communicate with each other and tell each other what gives pleasure or what is uncomfortable, you may not succeed at all.
            Sexual arousal starts with the urge to have sex with a particular person in a particular situation, and build up through the various stages of sexual intercourse, until it ends in orgasm. The American sex researchers Masters and Johnson, after observing many people going through the various stages of arousal, have been able to divide the process into four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. These stages overlap and vary in length from person to person, and even time to time, but the sequence or pattern remains the same.

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