Which Aspects of Your life Need Healing?

The Healing Touch

Setting the State for a Healing Relationship

Sexual Fitness

Becoming a Sexual Healer

Using Lovemaking to heal Emotional and Mental Problems

Becoming a Sexual Healer- Advanced Exercises

How to Be a Sexual Healer with Intercourse

Lovemaking to Heal Physical Ailments

Healing Man's Sexual Problems

Healing Woman's Sexual Problems

Lovemaking to Heal Your Relationship

Spiritual Healing through Lovemaking

Introduction

Five years ago, David, a fifty-five-year-old college professor, began to feel fatigued, listless, and weak.  He visited his physician for a check-up and had some blood tests run. Within two weeks, he was diagnosed with incurable leukemia.  The doctors gave him sex weeks to live.  As he lay in bed in the intensive care until, his wife of  thirty years sat beside him, massaged his legs, and talked to him as he drifted in and out of consciousness.  Today, David is still alive. His body shows no trace of the cancer that almost killed him. He attributes his miraculous recovery to the strong, loving relationship he and his wife have always had.  He claims, "She just refused to let me go."

Jay, a thirty-four-year-old stockbroker, suffered from erection problems and  rapid ejaculation. As a child he had  been sickly, and as an adult he suffered from ulcers and asthma. Jay was single, so when he sought psychological treatment for sexual difficulties, his therapist recommended he work through a series of sensual and sexual exercises with a surrogate partner. The surrogate partner taught Jay breathing and relaxation exercises, in addition to how to have erection and control his ejaculations.  Not only did his sexual problems improve, but today he no longer gulps antacids after every meal and has thrown out his inhaler.

Marsha, a forty-year-old divorced, professional woman, visited a chiropractor for chronic back pain that had affected her since her teenage years. The chiropractor's treatment involved manipulating her spine, but he also recommended she get massage.  When the male massage professional began working on her lower back, Marsha burst into tears. She suddenly remembered molestation and attempted rape by her uncles when she was fourteen. Not surprisingly, she had never revealed this event to anyone in twenty-five-years-nor to her therapist, not to her husband.

Eva, fifty-eight, had always had problems with anger and had visited therapist after therapist to try to uncover the source.  Now eva is in a relationship with a man who has an unusual ability.  His unique style of lovemaking  calms her down, and as a result her blood pressure has lowered and her migraine headaches are less frequent. She no longer battles the anger she once did.

What do all of these people have in common? All have experienced the magnificent healing power of touch.  Some of these stories may seem commonplace, others miraculous, but they all illustrate that touch, in different types of relationships, can be healing.  That isn't the end of the story, though.  Touching is just   the beginning.  Research shows that the slow, focused sexual contact that takes place in an intimate, mutual, monogamous women  relationship including physical lovemaking up through orgasm- is the most healing touch of all.

You may not have considered lovemaking as a solution to any of your health problems.  But it is an aspect of our lives that includes many healing elements  touch, intimacy, communication, physical activity, play, genital activity, arousal, and orgasm.  We tend to think of sex as an act.  But making love is a creative act, one that involves us on physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual levels.  Because lovemaking touches your partners on all these levels at the same time, good love nourishes both of you-and your relationship.

With the information in the next few chapters, you can uncover the "mystery" power that healed David, Marsha, Eva and Jay and discover your own healing abilities. By exploring and mastering the exercises in this book, you and your partner can act as sexual healers for each other no small promise in this age of growing conflict and violence between the sexes. You and your partner can learn how to heal yourselves and each other not only sexually, but physically, emotionally and spiritually as well. In addition to strengthening your intimate connection, you will discover  the nuances of mutuality and commitment in your relationship.

The Evolution of Sexual Healing

You may already  be familiar  with me  through  my books or as the  sex therapy   which  appears on television, but you may not  know about my unusual background.  It has given me the unique insights, qualifications, and inspiration to writer sexual healing.

My determination to foster healthy attitudes about sexuality grew out of the dichotomy of growing up in relaxed, sunny Southern California but in a very restrictive, religious family.  In 1980, while putting myself through college, I began work as a surrogate partner, assisting people with sexual problems. A surrogate partner is a trained professional who works directly with clients who have sexual problems.  In my work I treated clients who had cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis, and other disabilities that prevented them from working on sexual problems with lovers.  I earned a Ph.D. in Health Psychology at the University of California and taught as a college professor for many years.

In 1990, I published   my first book, which focused on treating common but psychologically devastating sexual problems, such as the inability to have orgasms, lack of desire, the inability to have erections , premature ejaculation, and inhibited ejaculation.  In that first book I adapted typical exercises that surrogate partners do with their    clients for use by couples at home.

When I originally wrote that book, I wanted to include chapters on how intimate lovemaking can actually benefit your physical health.  I believed then, as I do even more strongly now, that making love can actually improve physical ailments such as ulcers, migraines, and asthma. But at that time there was not enough "scientific" evidence to support these claims even though I knew they were true from my experiences with clients.

Soon after, I began to read phenomenal stories of spontaneous healing, such as Dr. Paul Pearsall's recovery from cancer, which he describes in his book, A Healing intimacy.  Pearsall describes how the power of healing can be generated by committed, long-term monogamous relationships. I believed it went much deeper than that sexual healing may occur best in that type of relationship,   but sexual relationships that involve  touch could be healing  also. 

Everything jelled when Dr. Pearsall and I were asked to appear on the television show, "The Other side." (If you are familiar with the show you know that it presented stories on unusual occurrences that are beyond most people's understanding.) The topic of the day was "sexual healing," and we each  brought our own perspectives and experiences to bear on the topic.  That day it became clear,  from the  guest and audience reaction, that day it became   clear,    from the guest and audience reactions that the time was right to combine our  two  lines of thinking to show that touch heals, intimacy heals, and the bond created between  two people in an intimate, mutual , committed, monogamous sexual relationship  is the most  healing of all.  It is lovemaking in the deepest sense of the word.  The huge interest generated by this show convinced me that I had unique insights to share and that the time had come to write sexual sealing.

Today, at last, the evidence is clear.  Many people have heard stories like those of David, Marsha, Eva, and Jay.  Experiences such as theirs happen every day..and they can happen to you.