Which Aspects of Your life Need Healing?

The Healing Touch

Setting the State for a Healing Relationship

Sexual Fitness

Becoming a Sexual Healer

Using Lovemaking to heal Emotional and Mental Problems

Becoming a Sexual Healer- Advanced Exercises

How to Be a Sexual Healer with Intercourse

Lovemaking to Heal Physical Ailments

Healing Man's Sexual Problems

Healing Woman's Sexual Problems

Lovemaking to Heal Your Relationship

Spiritual Healing through Lovemaking

Becoming a Sexual Healer

In this chapter, you will learn sensual and sexual  exercises to do with a partner. By  now you have discovered how to s touch yourself  pleasurably  and how to  touch yourself  pleasurably  and how to  create and foster the intimate bond with  your partner. Now it is time to learn from the life need healing that surrogate partners practice with their clients.

The therapy that surrogate partners practice is  powerful and unique, but  there are many  misconceptions about what  surrogate partners do.  Many people consider sexual  surrogates essentially prostitutes, sex workers who are paid to have sex with people they don't know.  In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.

What Happens in Sex Therapy?

When a married  couple  comes in for sex therapy , the focus is on keeping the couple together.  No reputable sex therapist  or marriage counselor would try to split up a couple, except  in cases of abuse.  Certainly, no therapist would advise one  member of that  couple to have  sex  with a third person!  Instead, sex  therapists ask couple to do certain touching and bonding  exercises together in the privacy of their own home or other private place, such as hotel room.  The exercises range from  simple and sensual to more sexual, and many of the exercises in this book are based on sex therapy exercises.

How Surrogate Partners Heal

When a single person comes to a sex therapist for problems such as lack of desire, or orgasm, arousal, or erection difficulties, this single person is in a bind. He or she needs to do the same exercises the couple would do, but has no partner to practice them with. To address single people's needs, many sex therapists work with trained, professional surrogate partners who act as the client's partner during therapy. Professional surrogates always work under the supervision of a licensed therapist.

For twelve years, from 1980 to 1992, I worked as a professional surrogate partner and personally treated hundreds of clients, mostly men with erection problems or premature ejaculation. It was during that time that my colleagues and I developed many of the exercises you will learn in this book.

I was inspired to become a surrogate partner so that I could help heal others. It is a helping profession, akin to teaching and nursing. In fact, it has much more in common with professions like nursing and counseling than it does with prostitution or other sex-industry occupations, which poorly informed people often compare it to. I also became a surrogate partner because I believed that sex therapy worked, that it changed lives. I believe that lovemaking in certain relationships can be a life-affirming and possibly life-changing experience.

Based on my years of surrogate experience, I strongly believe the relationship between client and surrogate is a healing one. It is not the best of all healing scenarios, since neither person is the other's physical choice and emotional mate, and the relationship is artificial and time-limited. Nevertheless, a great deal of emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual healing has taken place in client-surrogate relationships. I've even known people whose lives have been changed dramatically by one episode of lovemaking. You will read about some of these cases later, especially in the chapter on chronic illness.

So what do surrogates and clients actually do? In the first session, I would begin by sitting and talking with the client, similar to a first therapy session or a first date. Then, usually during the first session, we would take turns doing the exercise called the face caress that you learned in Chapter 3. The client and I would meet with the therapist bet ore and after our session, which usually lasted about an hour. By the second session, most clients were comfortable with nudity, so we would take off our clothes and do a sensate focus back caress. If the client was comfortable, the next session would be a front caress, and then a genital caress. Depending on the client's problem, we would then progress to the more advanced sexual exercises you will read about later in this book.

As a surrogate partner, it was my job to create a relaxing atmosphere for my clients. Keep in mind that they were very nervous. I taught a lot of them how to breathe, relax their muscles, and do PC muscle exercises. Meanwhile, I had to be alert to any signs of their anxiety. If a client became too anxious, we would stop the exercise and back up to something comfortable. I also had to figure out whether the client was responding normally or had some kind of physical problem. There were multiple things going on that I had to be aware of. In addition, I had to be ready, willing, and able to do an exercise when I came to work-but I also had to be myself and not fake a response.

Since surrogate partner work is a healing profession, you are very subject to burnout. My work as a surrogate partner meant a lot to me, but it is the type of job you cannot do forever. I eventually reached a point where I couldn't do it anymore. Most people think I stopped working "as a surrogate because I got tired of impersonal sex. Actually the opposite is true-it is too personal. You run the danger of caring too much about your clients and you take their problems home with you.