Which Aspects of Your life Need Healing?

The Healing Touch

Setting the State for a Healing Relationship

Sexual Fitness

Becoming a Sexual Healer

Using Lovemaking to heal Emotional and Mental Problems

Becoming a Sexual Healer- Advanced Exercises

How to Be a Sexual Healer with Intercourse

Lovemaking to Heal Physical Ailments

Healing Man's Sexual Problems

Healing Woman's Sexual Problems

Lovemaking to Heal Your Relationship

Spiritual Healing through Lovemaking

How to be a Sexual Healer with Intercourse

Now it is time to come together in the ultimate healing connection intercourse.  "Intercourse" means communication; it expresses a deep connection between two partners as well as different  intentions.  This chapter will show you many ways to have intercourse  with different healing mindset and different  healing goals. The peaking and plateauing techniques you learned  in Chapters 6 and 7 will amplify your  feelings during the following exercises.

Although what follows contains  short descriptions of different  ways to have intercourse, these are not different  positions, as you would   find in a typical sex manual.  When  you have intercourse, use whichever positions are comfortable for the two of you.  The suggestions I make  are simply that, suggestions. They are based on my experience and the positions that seem to best convey healing.

Before you try any of these exercise, it is very important  that you  have spent time spoon breathing  and caressing each other with nonsexual and sexual  caresses.  You may also wish to spend time with oral caresses and sensuous oral sex.  This time is needed to get centered within  yourself, relax and focus on your arousal, and get in sync with  your partner.  After intercourse, maintain physical contact and take time to spoon breathe together  or nurture each  other in an embrace.  You will need a "coming down"  period  to re-ground  yourselves after the experiences sexual healing intercourse.

If you decide to have intercourse after doing another, non intercourse  exercise, remember  your basics.  Relax and enter the sexual healing mindset.  Allow time, so you do not feel rushed.  And get  centered  together by beginning with spoon breathing, focusing  caresses, and genital caresses.

Goal-Free Intercourse

The theory behind goal free intercourse  is to escape the pressure to have, or to give, an orgasm.  Intercourse without orgasm nurtures the mindset of continuity between skin sensuality, foreplay, and intercourse. As you enjoy goal free intercourse, you learn to be more flexible  and indulgent in you lovemaking to heal, and to not think of intercourse as the result of foreplay, or of orgasm as the necessary end result of intercourse.

Decide who will be active and who will be passive. When the woman is active, she begins by doing a sensate focus caress on her partner front, genital, and oral. When he gets an erection , she climbs  onto him and makes slow, sensuous strokes, as many as she desires.  He remains passive and doesn't  move; his only responsibility is to focus on the pleasurable sensations.

There should be no performance pressure, no goals, no thinking ahead, and no orgasm.  After this short exercise, the woman  maintains the sex therapy through connection by lowering  herself  into an embrace with hers  partner.

When the man is active, the woman lies on her back.  Her only responsibility is to focus on her own sensations.  Her partner does a front caress, and genital and oral caresses.  He can kneel and use his penis to caress the outside  of her vagina if this arouses him.  When he is ready for  intercourse, he can put a pillow underneath her, raise her legs, and enter her.  This position, in which the woman raises her legs and the man kneels between them, brings them into a lovely face-to-face connection and offers greater stimulations for both.  (If you have trouble  kneeling, you can also   use the missionary position.)  The man does  a few slow, sensuous strokes, as he desires, and when finished, lies lovingly  on top of or beside his partner.

Sensate Focus Intercourse

This is intercourse  with a different focus - sensuality.  In previous  chapters you have practiced focusing on skin sensations in all parts of the body.  Now you will learn to focus  on the specific, erotic  sensations of the penis in the vagina.

The exercise with the man active ask your partner to lie comfortably on her back, and do sensuous caresses, including a front caress, a genital caress, or an  oral-genital caress.  If you need direct  stimulation to have an erection, use your penis to caress your partner's vagina, or caress yourself  with your hand.

When you are ready, start intercourse in the kneeling position (described in the exercise above).  As the active partner, you will control  the speed of thrusting.  Thrust as slowly as possible try to caress your partner's vagina with your penis.  Both of you should feel free  to move, to thrust and  roll with each other, while focusing on the exquisite sensations of your penis inside her vagina.

Next,  try switching your focus form penis to vagina to different  parts of the penis.  What can you feel?  Both  of you focus on the same sensations at the same time.  Look at each other as  you focus. There  should be no pressure for  either of you to have an orgasm, but if you do that is okay.  As the active partner, you decide when intercourse is over.
           
The exercise with the woman active ask your partner to lie on his back as you do a front caress, a genital caress, and perhaps oral sex.  When he has an erection, climb on top and begin slowly thrusting on his penis.  Think of caressing it with your vagina.  Both of you should focus on the sensations of his penis inside your vagina.

As the active partner, you lead in the speed and extent of thrusting, and your partner follows.  It's like dancing in fact it is a dance, a love dance.  As you make love, look into each others eyes and try to match your breathing.  The exercise  is over whenever you decide to stop, regardless of whether either or both of you has an orgasm.