Which Aspects of Your life Need Healing?

The Healing Touch

Setting the State for a Healing Relationship

Sexual Fitness

Becoming a Sexual Healer

Using Lovemaking to heal Emotional and Mental Problems

Becoming a Sexual Healer- Advanced Exercises

How to Be a Sexual Healer with Intercourse

Lovemaking to Heal Physical Ailments

Healing Man's Sexual Problems

Healing Woman's Sexual Problems

Lovemaking to Heal Your Relationship

Spiritual Healing through Lovemaking

Lovemaking to Heal Your Relationship

The advanced exercises in this chapter are aimed at nourishing the intangible strengths of a loving relationship  the powers of intimacy, commitment, trust mutuality, and respect.

I am sure you have learned a lot about your relationship from working through some of these  exercises, especially the bonding  exercises  in Chapter 3.  But your  ability to experience intimacy, mutuality, and commitment may be thwarted by what  I call the "Three As"  abuse, addition, and adultery.

If your relationship suffers from one of these  significant  wounds, you and your partner may need professional help to heal,  but experience has taught me that the sexual healing exercises are powerful  enough to help you start dealing with, and healing from, these wounds. Sexual relationships are surprisingly  resilient, especially when  lovers are given the means to overcome  traumas.  I have seen some relationships severely threatened by these  traumas  ad I have seen the power of sexual healing  help couples overcome them.  What follows is a simplified discussion of the Three As, with suggestions for areas of possible solutions.  Each issue is worthy  of specific, in depth discussion, and several good  books have been written on them.  If you are  having difficulty  dealing with any of the Three As, I encourage you to seek  a counselor's  help.  For further reading, I suggest you go to the library or a  bookstore  and pick out three or four books that appeal  to you.  If you wish to have move emotional support, most local newspapers have sections that list anonymous support groups.

Abuse

Abuse can be physical ailments, emotional or sexual. It may have occurred in the past, or it can be a factor in a present relationship. Sexual abuse, especially if you experienced it during childhood, can create a huge schism between the experiences of having sex and making love. Also, during sexual intimacy the abused person may suffer flashbacks of the childhood trauma.

Carol sought the help of a male surrogate partner to deal with her inability to become aroused and have an orgasm with a partner. Whenever she approached orgasm during arousal, she felt herself shutting down and becoming distracted. In work with the surrogate partner,Carol revealed that she had severe psychological conflicts related to a recent, abusive relationship. Every episode of intercourse brought up anxieties associated with that relationship. For Carol, successfully healing from her experiences required talking through the abuse with her therapist and working with the surrogate partner on the distractions and anxiety as they came up in sexual settings. With sexual healing, Carol found peace of mind and got back in touch with her body.

The sexual healing exercises are perfect for helping you heal the split between having sex and making love, but you will have to take them at a slow pace and that is fine. It is vital for your healing to remember that you will be in control of the boundaries of any exercise, and the exercise will only go as far as you want it to. The exercises in Chapters 2 and 5 will be especially helpful, and will reintroduce you to the dynamic powers of touch and its healthy, healing potential.

In addition to sexual healing, one of the things I have seen make a difference in the lives of abuse sexual victims is writing. Dr. James Pennebaker outlines an effective technique in his book, Opening Up. He describes how writing about a traumatic event in your past can help you confront and deal with that event, and gives you strategies and steps to do so.

Amazingly, writing about a traumatic event has the additional, wonderful benefit of boosting your immune system. The effects have been demonstrated, but how it works has not been proven. The hypothesis is that repressing a trauma, whether consciously or unconsciously, is highly stressful, which decreases the immune response. Writing about trauma provides a healthy outlet for coping and reduces stress.

Addiction

Addiction doesn't refer simply to alcoholism, drug addiction, or even sexual addiction . It encompasses all compulsive behaviors with similar natures, including compulsive shopping, eating, or gambling. Compulsive behaviors are behaviors that control you, side stepping your rational will and interfering with the course and fulfillment of your life. These compulsions are generally driven by anxiety and often escalate; for example, a drug addict often needs more and more of a drug to get the same high.

Your intimate relationship with your partner may be marred by a sexual as therapy  compulsion. This can take a number of forms one of you is attracted to inappropriate partners (such as children or inanimate objects), or displays excessive frequencies of normal behaviors (such as compulsive masturbation or nymphomania).

The sexual healing exercises are good for compulsive behaviors for a couple of reasons. First, compulsion is created and reinforced by a vicious circle of emotions and behavior anxiety leads to the behavior, and the behavior induces momentary relaxation. Because so many of the sexual healing exercises teach relaxation, they can help compulsive people reduce the initial anxiety that feeds their compulsive behavior. When the compulsion is less strong, they can work on relearning healthier, and ultimately more comfortable, behavior.

People often develop sexual compulsions because they have no concept of normal sexual behavior or a normal sexual relationship.  The sexual healing exercises can provide that dose of normality, especially the exercises in Chapters 3, Setting the Stage for a Healing Relationship, Chapter 5, How to Be a Sexual Healer Beginning Exercises, and Chapter 6, Using Lovemaking to heal emotional and mental problems. I also believe that it is important! for people with addiction issues to work on these issues first and I continuously.