Which Aspects of Your life Need Healing?

The Healing Touch

Setting the State for a Healing Relationship

Sexual Fitness

Becoming a Sexual Healer

Using Lovemaking to heal Emotional and Mental Problems

Becoming a Sexual Healer- Advanced Exercises

How to Be a Sexual Healer with Intercourse

Lovemaking to Heal Physical Ailments

Healing Man's Sexual Problems

Healing Woman's Sexual Problems

Lovemaking to Heal Your Relationship

Spiritual Healing through Lovemaking

Setting the State for a Healing Relationship

As a sex therapy who has written several self help books, I appear frequently on television to discuss sexual issues. In many cases, the hosts open the show up to questions from a studio audience or people calling in from home. The question I am most frequently asked is some version of, "How do I put the spark, the passion, back in my love life?"

A Crisis of Intimacy

It is clear that a lot of people have decent relationships they are physically healthy, their kids are okay, and they get along well, but many feel they have lost their sexual desire, their passion and joy. A few couples have more serious problem their relationship may be a setting for conflict or even violence. This book offers solutions to increase intimacy if you have been together for a number of years and that spark is sputtering. You will also find advice on healing your relationship if it has been marred by abuse either in the distant or recent past.

In this chapter, however, I'd like to concentrate on how to build intimacy, mutuality, commitment. And healing into your relationship if you are just starting out together. If you've been in a relationship for a while, don't despair! You can still use the exercises in this chapter to get to know each other again a lot of times, healing your relationship means having a chance to start over.

Choosing the Right Partner

Are you embarking on a relationship and wondering whether the relationship has the capacity for a life time of sexual healing?  The first thing to keep in mind, obviously, is choosing the right   partner. How do you distinguish a potential intimate partner for life from one who will bail a the first sign of trouble?

First, there are some things to look for, warning signs that this is not the right person. These include physical, verbal, or emotional abuse manipulation dishonesty criticism and, especially, violence.Does this relationship make you anxious and depressed? Does your partner manipulate you by alternately clinging with dependency, then withdrawing?  If you have not made a commitment to this relationship, it is best to get out now. (If you have made a commitment to this relationship, see chapter 12.)

Most of the warning signs are obvious, if you are not invested in the relationship it can be headed off at this point.  But what do you look for beyond this? Most people start sex relationships for the wrong reasons they are emotionally needy or vulnerable and they like a person's looks are attracted to them chemically, or like a particular aspect of the other's personality, such as sense of humor. Unfortunately, none of these qualities really predicts continued growth of intimacy over the years.  It sounds old fashioned, but you have to look at the qualities that have been shown to lead to increased intimacy and longevity of the relationship qualities like character and values.

It is very difficult to judge another person's character, especially if you are young and just starting out in a relationship. First off, your assessment has to be age appropriate. For example, you wouldn't expect a twenty-year-old to be running a corporation. However, you could look at how that twenty-year-old treats and talks about his or her parents, siblings, friends, and strangers you could find out about the way he or she approaches life and loved ones. If I wanted to start a relationship with an older person who had a lot more life experience, I would also want to know not what they have achieved but why. Who is  better relationship bet if your goal is life long intimacy, mutuality, and  commitment  someone  who refers to his ex-wife as "a shrew"  or someone  who makes  an effort to get  along with an ex-spouse so  the kids  have a stable life?  Someone who works her way through college and gets good grades or someone who skips classes right and left because someone else is paying for it?