Wildflowers

Perfect Buds

The If-Busters

Late Bloomers

Early Bloomers

Living-Togethers

Sexual Explorers

Sexually Dissatisfied Wives

Overcoming Rejection

Why Sacrifice Pleasure?

A Way of Classifying Sexual Identity

How Pleasure-Claimers Get Better Orgasms

Some Observations from the Survey

Late Bloomers

"My husband performed oral sex on me once. He said he didn't like the taste. I felt awful, humiliated. Since my divorce two years ago, another man has tried to perform oral sex on me, but I wouldn't let him. I'm afraid to try that again."

Leslie, thirty-nine, divorced, and rarely orgasmic

            Imagine cinderella after the ball. Years have passed, and still the Prince has not come with the tiny glass slipper to fit her little foot. It is so many years after the ball, her foot has swollen to a bigger size from standing on it while sweeping the floor. It seems, in fact, like decades after the ball. That's how many later bloomers feel.

            Or, to return to the book's metaphor: They fear their buds have frozen before they could bloom.

            "I had my first orgasm at thirty-five," says Candice, a Mid-western public relations specialist. "It drove me crazy, wondering what I was missing. I was sure you could see it in my face, my body language, that I'd never had an orgasm.

            "I'd been divorced twice. I'd been in a living-together relationship that had fallen apart. I'd spent more than twelve years of my life sleeping in bed every night next to a man. And I never had an orgasm in all that time.

            "I didn't know how you got an orgasm, because I'd never masturbated. The idea of it was unappealing to me. Maybe I can blame that on my mother. She made it sound like an awful thing to do. Funny, she warned me against touching myself, especially, she said, in the bathtub, but she never said anything about menstruation or pregnancy or any of the other woman things. When I got my first period, I thought I was bleeding to death. I hid six pairs of blood-soaked panties in the laundry basket and stayed in my room all day. She saw me putting the last pair in and told me what was happening.

            "But, I guess it's not fair to say she had me so spooked I couldn't the heal touch myself until I was thirty-five. I just didn't. I didn't make the connection between that and orgasms.

            "I believed in love, in the power of love to move you like it says in the novels. I was very much into fantasies. I got myself terribly aroused fantasizing about the man I loved. Then, when I got into bed with him, he couldn't ever bring me quite there. None of the three really touched me down there, not in the way you need to be touched to have an orgasm.

            "I would fantasize the live, feel the love, but the feeling never translated sexual therapy . Eventually, I would being fantasizing about another man. I used to keep journals, and they were full of my frigid angst and sex dreaming about other men. As soon as I married one man and it just didn't happen, I began thinking about another. it was sexual disappointment, but I didn't know it then. Both my marriages were sexless for years before we finally divorced with discarded. My first husband was seeing men on the side, but I didn't know it. The second one was seeing other women."

            Somehow Candice didn't grasp the connection between orgasms and clitoral stimulation until she was thirty-five when she acquired a copy of Marc and Judith Meshorer's book, Ultimate Pleasure: Secrets of Easily Orgasmic Women from the Literary Guild. She would, she says, have been too embarrassed to buy it in a bookstore.

            "I was astonished," she says. "I tried it, touching myself. Masturbating. What an ugly word! But it worked. Then I met a man who wasn't bothered if I touched myself while we made love. All those years I had been faking orgasms-and suddenly I was having them! It was wonderful. The first time it happened with him I let out a series of yelps that he said sounded like a cat with her tail caught in the door.

            "All those years," she repeated. "What a waste!"

Who Is She?

Late bloomers are 23.2 percent of the survey group and are women who:

  • Began to masturbate after twenty-one, if at all. Ten percent of this group have never masturbated and another 20 percent do so "rarely."
  • Did not become orgasmic until their late twenties or beyond-with over half not having an orgasm until past age thirty.
  • Reported frequent difficulty in achieving orgasm during lovemaking and/or masturbation even after becoming orgasmic.

            One striking difference between late bloomers and the other women is their overwhelmingly negative responses to initial sexual experiences. Their comments ranged from "not memorable, at best," to "awful!" Another difference was the high number-over 60 percent-reporting dissatisfaction with their sex lives. They are also far more caught up in love fantasies than any other group of women who like dissatisfied wives, which may partially explain their perpetual disappointment with real sex.

            Late bloomers were somewhat more likely to label their families as "highly religious" or "very conservative," and they did seem more judgmental or punitive about other women's sexual behavior than the survey respondents in general. However, they did not report significantly fewer sex partners than other women in their age groups. Many had multiple partners, even two and more marriages, without being orgasmic. And many reported extended periods of "sexlessness," in their marriages and in other sex relationships .

            "In both my marriages, the sex died early," wrote a forty-year-old woman who had her first orgasm at thirty-nine. "The first time we stopped making love after two years, but we stayed married five more years. We slept, like nested spoons, in the same bed. It was affectionate.

            "The second one was a little different. He was careful not to touch me in bed. He hardly ever even rolled into me. I don't know what went wrong. I never told either of them I didn't have orgasms. I thought I was a great fake."

Next >>

Sexual Victims

Discarded Women

The Clock Women

Independent Women

Revirginized Women

Monogamous Women

Second-Chance Women

Surviving the Droughts

Wives Who Have Affairs

The Saboteurs of Pleasure

Conclusion: Your Sexual Turning Point?

The Women Who Doesn't "Need" an Orgasm

What Does She Know About Sex that You Don't?