Perfect Buds

The If-Busters

Late Bloomers

Early Bloomers


Sexual Explorers

Sexually Dissatisfied Wives

Overcoming Rejection

Why Sacrifice Pleasure?

A Way of Classifying Sexual Identity

How Pleasure-Claimers Get Better Orgasms

Some Observations from the Survey

Perfect Buds

"I envied the girls  who didn't get hot and bothered. I think  they  were the same one who never got pimples. There has to be a connection."

-Margot, a thirty-nine-year-old early bloomer on perfect buds

            Perfect buds seem to do everything "right."

            They fit the tight bud theory of slowing developing female sexuality. Often not orgasmic until her early  twenties, the perfect bud  is sexy without being threatening because a man typically sees her as a blank and beckoning canvas on which he can imprint his own fantasy . She is the sexual ingenue, a role many women continue to play even after  they have adult children.

            I envied them in my youth; and, perhaps, so  did you. Even now, at midlife, when the differences rippling between most of us have smoothed out just as the wrinkles we share have suddenly appeared, I think of the buds as those women who got it all right. Many of them, however, tell me they consider themselves ordinary, dull, or boring.  Truly, no one is ever completely satisfied with what they have, whether the subject of comparison is accomplishment, beauty, or sex drive.

            More often than the other women  in my observation from survey, perfect buds reported that linking sex and love exclusively to each  other has worked for them.

            "I didn't think about sex in my  teens," says Madeleine, a forty-three-year-old perfect bud from southern Illinois. "I thought  about love. Sex was what boys  tried to get you to do to them in cars. Sex was what  you didn't do it you were  smart. Love was what  you  got from boys when you were good.

            "My mother told me two things: Don't make more than Bs in your classes, because boys don't like girls who make As. And, don't let them how to heal touch you below the waist  until you're engaged. 

           "It was the early Sixties and some girls weren't listening to their mothers, but it never occurred to me not to listen to mine. I thought she  knew what she was talking about. She had my dad and a beautiful split level house and my brother and me, everything she wanted. I wanted the same things.

            "Still, I liked kissing  and petting about the waist.  So, I did those things with boys I dated steadily. When I was nineteen,  I got engaged to Michael. We were engaged for sex months before we got married. While we did a lot of things, including pet  to orgasm, we didn't go all the way. My first  orgasm came as a tremendous surprise. He brought me with his hand inside my pants. I knew I'd be a goner whenever he finally removed those pants if his hands could feel so good.

            "I honestly don't know why being a virgin bride was so important to me then, but it was. By the time we got  married, I was exhausted from holding him off. My nerves were shot. I cried at the drop of a hat. Between him pushing for sex and  my mother asking if I was still as virgin-it was horrible the last two months before the wedding! When I went to my doctor for the premarital check-up, he put me on Librium."

            Madeleine and Michael will celebrate their twenty-fifth wedding  anniversary in a little over a year. She hasn't ever had an affair, and she's confident he hasn't either. Their sex life has been-and still is-"highly satisfactory."

            "Being  a virgin bride doesn't  mean you're going to be  uptight  for life," she says. "We've done everything, oral, anal, bondage. He is a tender and passionate and very imaginative lover. When I was  writing that on your questionnaire, he was  looking over my shoulder, and he said he would say the same of me.

            "What makes our sex life  work is the level of intimacy we have achieved with each other. I could never  make love with such abandon if I didn't absolutely trust  him and know he knows me as well as one person can know another."

            Perfect buds often seem to end up married and are likely, though  not necessarily, monogamous women who place a high value on intimacy and also enjoy sex- the target audience for Redbook magazine. They do conform fairly closely to the tight bud theory of female sexuality: When, in the fullness of time,  they flower, they delight in their  newly discovered  sensual  nature.

Who Is She? 

Perfect buds 23.3 percent of the total  survey group. They are women who:

  • Began to  masturbate after age sixteen, but no later than twenty-one.
  • Had their  first sexual  experience with a partner between  the ages of seventeen and twenty-one.
  • Had their first  orgasm during  masturbation before twenty-one and first orgasm with  a partner before twenty-five.

            Nothing in their  collective family  backgrounds struck me as being  different than the norm for their ages, socioeconomic  brackets., religious  affiliations, and other factors-but, they did seem  to be more closely influenced by their mothers during adolescence than other  women. Perhaps, like Madeleine, they paid closer attention to their mother's admonishments against touching themselves than early bloomers or wildflowers did.  They  do report less frequent,  as well as later, masturbation than early bloomers.

Next >>

Sexual Victims

Discarded Women

The Clock Women

Independent Women

Revirginized Women

Monogamous Women

Second-Chance Women

Surviving the Droughts

Wives Who Have Affairs

The Saboteurs of Pleasure

Conclusion: Your Sexual Turning Point?

The Women Who Doesn't "Need" an Orgasm

What Does She Know About Sex that You Don't?