Wildflowers

Perfect Buds

The If-Busters

Late Bloomers

Early Bloomers

Living-Togethers

Sexual Explorers

Sexually Dissatisfied Wives

Overcoming Rejection

Why Sacrifice Pleasure?

A Way of Classifying Sexual Identity

How Pleasure-Claimers Get Better Orgasms

Some Observations from the Survey

Revirginized Women

"I dated Bob for seven years-and he didn't get any for a long time, six or seven months. He stayed with me. I was the one who pulled away from him.  if you want a man to stay, you have to make him wait for sex."

-a twenty-eight-year-old retail manager, who was a
wildflower in high school

            They take  the Madonna song "Like a Virgin" to heart. Sex  with each new man is supposed to be "like the very first  time." At least, he should believe it feels that way to her. No matter her age and sexual history, she wants him to assume the role of more experienced partner, and she believes  he wants it to be this way too.

            Some women have revirginized a dozen times or more in the course of a dating lifetime. They don't really expect a man to believe  they're virgins-only less experienced, especially of late, than he is. While some lie about their histories, most simply don't offer any, or many, details from their  pasts, letting their actions, or lack of them, lead the man to his own conclusions. Their motives for revirginizing behavior vary. Some women become celibate for a period of time to atone for  periods of promiscuity. Others deliberately withhold sex as a technique for forcing a man to commit to a relations in some way.

            Maggie, a thirty-five-year-old New York publishing executive who's revirginized several times, has a lot of dates, but would like to marry before her "biological time runs out." Like many New York women, Maggie has a roommate to share the cost of a one-bedroom apartment in a good neighborhood. This year, she has the bedroom, and her roommate, Cheryl, a graphic artist, is sleeping on the futon. They've been sharing the same apartment for five years, and each New Year's Eve, they trade places, alternating bedroom with futon.

            "Each  year one of us is promising herself she'll  get married before she has to spend another year on the futon," Maggie says. "And then it's New Year's Eve again  and we're toasting each other and rearranging the closets and drawers live together. I love Cheryl, but it gets a bit  depressing.

            'Two years ago she  bought this book everyone was  reading at the time, How to Marry of Your Choice, by Margaret Kent. It's the  one with the money-back guarantee if you followed her advice and didn't get married with two years. Anyway, Kent  said don't have  sex with him for a lot of dates. I think it was twelve. A great  number, anyway. I'd check the book, but we threw it down the incinerator chute this past  New Year's Eve.

            "I won't say the book alone made me reexamine my approach to men, but it was a contributing factor. Cheryl was really into these books, really heavy into the theories. For a while, it looked like the concept was working for her. She almost got married. So, I decided to give it a try. When I met Matt, I knew instantly he was someone I wanted to marry. I didn't have sex with him until the fifth date. I'm not kidding you.the fifth date. In my twenties, I went to bed with men I'd met at parties, sometimes hours after meeting them.

            "So, okay, I gave the system a shot. I held him at bay. I'll admit he was intrigued. He goes, 'Why won't you have sex with me?' And I go, 'Well, I just can't do that with a man I don't know very well.  It's how I'm made.'

            "Can you believe it?"

            The important question is: Did Matt believe it? 

            "Yeah, I guess he did. Whether he believed it or not doesn't matter. We were together about six months. Then I caught him in bed,  actually in bed, with another woman. It was  one of those  awful scenes you read about in books.  I thought  he was cheating on me. He kept going alone to his place on the Hamptons in the middle of the week. He said he needed  to get away from the distractions of the city and work that reason I sexually dissatisfied for myself. I rented a car and went out  there to spy on him one  night. I saw them go in together-and, just like a character in a movie, burst into the room when they were in the act of  doing it.

            "That was the end. He said he was sorry, she didn't mean anything  to him, he really loved me and didn't want to  lose me, all the usual garbage. On the other hand, he didn't exactly behave as if I meant so much to him either."

            But, she reflected, "I think  I know where I made  the first mistake with him. I made him  wait for sex. I got that right. But, I let  him do it anally the very first  time. Big mistake. Men don't  respect you if you let that happen too easily. Anal sex  should be a very big deal with the woman. She should say, 'Oooh, I don't know...only because  I love you so much!' Ridiculous sounding, but true.

            "I happen to like anal sex, which must  put me in the minority of women. Men are always telling me their  former partners wouldn't let them do it. Who are these women?"

            She's seeing another man now and "not exactly, but sort of, following the [how-to-catch-a-man] system." The revirginizing part-making him feel like the seasoned lover to her less experienced woman. She made him wait, but not so long. They had sex on the third date, but she plans to "postpone anal sex indefinitely this time." She'd already decided she wanted to marry him on the first date, two weeks before their first sexual encounter.

            "Oh, I always know  that on the first date. I can always  tell if I'll want to marry the guy or not."

            Maggie has a  lot in  common  with other revirginizers, not the least of which is the tendency to think in sexual terms   of bridal white almost  from the first hello.

Next >>

Sexual Victims

Discarded Women

The Clock Women

Independent Women

Revirginized Women

Monogamous Women

Second-Chance Women

Surviving the Droughts

Wives Who Have Affairs

The Saboteurs of Pleasure

Conclusion: Your Sexual Turning Point?

The Women Who Doesn't "Need" an Orgasm

What Does She Know About Sex that You Don't?