Wildflowers

Perfect Buds

The If-Busters

Late Bloomers

Early Bloomers

Living-Togethers

Sexual Explorers

Sexually Dissatisfied Wives

Overcoming Rejection

Why Sacrifice Pleasure?

A Way of Classifying Sexual Identity

How Pleasure-Claimers Get Better Orgasms

Some Observations from the Survey

Sexual Explorers

"My kids are horrified. They say he isn't my intellectual equal. What, they ask, do you talk  to a plumber about? I'm sorry  they're embarrassed Mom's dating a plumber, but I can't live my life to suit them. He is  kind, thoughtful, considerate, and he makes me laugh, even in bed. I've never had so much fun in my life. I've never been so sexually turned on either. Partly it's  him; partly it's me. I excite myself these days."

-a forty-eight-year-old New York attorney

            The sexual explorer has broken the rules governing sexual behavior. She may have multiple sex partner, engage in sexual variations, have a bisexual or lesbian lifestyle, or choose her lovers from outside the socially approved circle of suitable men. Sometimes motivated by panic-"This is my last  chance for a fling  before my body goes"-or sometimes by the euphoria accompanying the realization she's truly free of the  internal negative voice at last, she may break the  rules in a dramatic way, like the white Florida woman in her forties who wrote about an affair with a black graduate student in his early twenties. Sometimes  the sexual explorer is very young, a wildflower  motivated by her own lusts, but more often she is over thirty.

            "To explore your own sexuality to the limits, in all its aspects, takes courage," writes a forty-six-year-old Northeastern professor. "I did not have that kind of courage until I was forty, when I was able to break free of the conventional restraints keeping me in place.

            "I have  long desired to explore my submissive side, something which I was not able to do in the conventional sex relationships I've  had. Shortly after my fortieth birthday I responded to a personal ad in a city  magazine placed by a 'Dominant Man' who promised to fulfill my 'hidden fantasies.' In a series of carefully orchestrated encounters, filled more with drama  than with pain, we did just  that.

            "Nothing has thrilled me in quite the same way as being blindfolded, gagged, and bound, suspended from a bar by my wrists, anticipating the lash. I have  played those scenes over and  over again in my mind and masturbated to them.

            "He helped  me claim my submissive side  and not to be ashamed of it any more than I am of the  dominant side who enjoys being on top."

            For other women, the exploration may be of a dominant side they'd previously feared to unleash or of bisexual desires  they had suppressed. But for many, perhaps most, women, conditioned as we are to link sex with love and marriage, breaking the rules means  having sex with a partner you wouldn't want to marry. Approximately 67 percent of my survey respondents  would have sex with a man they wouldn't consider marrying-the big exception being  among late  bloomers, only 20 percent of whom would have sex with such a man.  But they may be only kidding themselves  about their marital intentions.

            "I've been divorced for ten  years and have had several relationship in those years," writes a forty-year-old  Philadelphia insurance claims adjustor. "But I maintained a certain mental  pretense with all of them. I told myself  I could and might  marry them. Even though I had no real desire to marry again, I needed  to tell myself I could and might  and would-because I knew  I should.

            "I woke up next to my new lover, who is only twenty-seven, last Saturday and it dawned on me. I have no intentions of marrying this kid-or he, me. I'm not pretending anymore! A few years ago I wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself with him because it would have put me in a difficult spot in my own head: I couldn't have fooled myself about my intentions, but I wasn't ready to accept that, yes, I do have sex for the sake of having sex.

            "I don't know if it's my freer attitude or his age, but  the sex is good this time. And I've never had  trouble  with the sex. The first night we made love,  he surprised me with his  agility and his lovemaking skill. He was  all over the bed like a little monkey. I outweigh him by probably twenty pounds, but who  cares? 

            "He was kneeling  on the bed before me, performing cunnilingus, when suddenly he switched his body around  and dangled  his penis over my mouth  in exactly  the right  place without missing a lick. Such luxury to open your mouth and suck without having  to consider the logistic. Rarely does 69 work as well as it did that  night!"

            Some sexual explores do marry their unsuitable men-but marriage is not a goal they hope to achieve through sex.

Who Is She? 

Sexual Explorers are  26.8 percent of the observation from survey group. They are women who:

  • Are involved with men  five or more years  younger than they are;
  • Or with men of a different race (seventeen percent  of survey respondents have been involved with a man of a different race);
  • Or with women. While only 7 percent of survey respondents identify themselves as bisexual and another 6 percent  as lesbian, nearly one-third of the total group report  having had at least one sexual  experience  with another woman.
  • Regularly engage in sexual variations, including anal sex, bondage, and S&M activities.

            "I've always been wilder than my women friends," writes a forty-five-year-old Chicago artist who is live together  with a man twenty  years younger than she. "I wanted to try everything, at least once, and I'm lucky to have been young  before the AIDS scare chanted  sex. For the past ten years, I've only been involved with younger men, at least ten years younger. I don't  seek  them out.  They come  to me.

            "I don't know why I don't attract  men my age and older. Maybe it's because they sense I'm too much  for them sexually. Younger men are wilder, because of their age-and also I suspect because they aren't looking at someone my age as a potential wife and certainly not mother of their kids. So, anything goes. They aren't imposing a sexual conservatism on me that  would  be befitting the wife  and the mother.    

            I like sex to run the gamut from sometimes tender to sometimes rough. When I'm in the mood, I like to have my wrists tied behind my back and be turned over my lover's knee for a brisk spanking. Each slap grinds my cunt against his thighs and excites me terribly. Then, he places me on the bed, on my knees, my ass up in the air and fucks me doggy style.

Next >>

Sexual Victims

Discarded Women

The Clock Women

Independent Women

Revirginized Women

Monogamous Women

Second-Chance Women

Surviving the Droughts

Wives Who Have Affairs

The Saboteurs of Pleasure

Conclusion: Your Sexual Turning Point?

The Women Who Doesn't "Need" an Orgasm

What Does She Know About Sex that You Don't?