Wildflowers

Perfect Buds

The If-Busters

Late Bloomers

Early Bloomers

Living-Togethers

Sexual Explorers

Sexually Dissatisfied Wives

Overcoming Rejection

Why Sacrifice Pleasure?

A Way of Classifying Sexual Identity

How Pleasure-Claimers Get Better Orgasms

Some Observations from the Survey

Some Observation from the Survey

"There have been a few times when the earth rocked, everything was perfect for us.but, I don't think I've ever had a 'best ever' sex experience. It would be a vaginal orgasm. Once I really came close to it. I'd like to have one at least once in my life."

-a thirty-eight-year-old television producer

            My secret wish is that, if the proponents of reincarnation are right, Sigmund Freud is doomed for eternity to keep returning to earth as a woman agonizing over her inability to have the "right" kind of orgasm, which is "vaginal" one, of course.

            If I were in charge of new life assignments, he would never be one of the minority of women who do reach orgasm via intercourse alone. He would require direct clitoral stimulation-a lot of it!-but he would be too ashamed to use his hands during intercourse. And, he would keep marrying men who are as ignorant about female sexuality as he was during his reign as the great psychiatrist.

            His contributions to the world as founding father of the psychoanalytic process notwithstanding, Freud's legacy to women is a form of sexual hell. In his book Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality, written in 1905, he said that the mature woman "transfers" from the clitoral orgasm she experienced via masturbation in puberty to the vaginal orgasm in intercourse. He wrote:
           
            When at lat the sexual act is permitted and the clitoris itself becomes excited, it still retains a function: the task, namely, of transmitting the excitation to the adjacent female sexual parts, just as-to use a simile-pine shavings can be kindled in order to set a log of harder wood on fire..

            When eratogenic susceptibility to stimulation has been successfully transferred by a woman from the clitoris to the vaginal orifice, it implies that she has adopted a new leading zone for the purposes of her later sexual activity.

            He labeled the woman who never achieved orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation immature and/or frigid. Those damning appellations persist in doing harm today even though Alfred Kinsey, Master and Johnson, Shere Hite, Helen Singer Kaplan, and others have documented that the majority of women, at least 66 percent, require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. In fact, Kaplan puts the number at closer 80 percent.

            Yet, educated and intelligent women berate themselves for not being able to reach or get better orgasm without manual or oral stimulation to the clitoris. In a study recently published in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, more than one-half of the thirty women, aged eighteen to fifty-nine, who participated were dissatisfied with their orgasms because they were not achieved during intercourse alone. In another study published by The Journal of Sex Therapy , both men and women saw women who required manual stimulation to reach orgasm as "less functional" and "less mature" than women who didn't. the study's authors, however, were heartened to note the women requiring additional stimulation were only rated "somewhat dysfunctional" by most participants.

The Most Surprising Survey Result

The women in this book have generally satisfying sex lives, but they still idealize the "vaginal" orgasm.

  • Over 70 percent of my respondents are not orgasmic during intercourse alone.
  • Over half of them descried an ideal sexual experience as one in which they would be "vaginally" orgasmic.
  • And, while masturbation is considered by sex therapists to be the surest learning path to orgasm for women, 10 percent of the late bloomers, the women who have the most difficulty achieving orgasm, have never masturbated at all and 20 percent do so "rarely."

            Sadly, women seem to set themselves up for sexual disappointment by expecting their bodies to respond in ways they simply don't.

The Truth About Orgasms

An orgasm is an orgasm, no matter where it seems to have originated. Most sexologists, including Master and Johnson, believe all female orgasms are triggered by the clitoris, though some women have orgasms they term "vaginal," because these orgasms occur during intercourse without anal stimulation . The clitoris may be larger in those women or located in such a slightly different position that it is stimulated more effectively during intercourse than the average woman's clitoris. Or, she may have learned to move in a certain way in a certain position so the clitoris receives sufficient indirect stimulation for orgasm. Or, she may have learned to delay intercourse until she is on the brink of orgasm. (Or, she may be easily orgasmic from many different forms of stimulation, which stimulate nerve endings in the clitoris even when the stimulus is as far away as the breasts, neck, or earlobes. A small percentage of women are orgasmic via these routes.)

            She isn't sexier, more mature, or more in love than the woman who can't have an orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation. To become orgasmic, or more full satisfied with her orgasmic capabilities, a woman must accept the reality of female biology. Striving for the perfect vaginal orgasm will only keep her frustrated.

            "Women need to cut themselves a break," a twenty-three-year-old New York University graduate student wrote. "Can you imagine a man agonizing over whether or not his orgasm came from the right place? We do such a number on ourselves, don't we?"

            We do, but we can stop doing it. Being orgasmic, according to the women in this book, really is as simple as one, two, three.

Next >>

Sexual Victims

Discarded Women

The Clock Women

Independent Women

Revirginized Women

Monogamous Women

Second-Chance Women

Surviving the Droughts

Wives Who Have Affairs

The Saboteurs of Pleasure

Conclusion: Your Sexual Turning Point?

The Women Who Doesn't "Need" an Orgasm

What Does She Know About Sex that You Don't?