Marriage Before and After the Ceremony

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Marriage Before and After the Ceremony

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One of the most poignant things that Havelock Ellis, the great pioneer of a more liberal view of Western oral and anal sexuality, has ever said, dealt with children: "It is not until a child is born itself in the sexual acts of its members. The sexual act is of no more concern to the community than any other private physiological act. It is an impertinence, it not an outrage, to seek to inquire into it. But the birth of a child is a social act. Not what goes into the womb but what comes out of it concerns society."

Spock is still one of the best in the world, not so much because of what he says about children as a cause of jealousy but because of his perfect understanding of the American mother's mind and his sagacious way of dealing with her fears and sorrows. Swiss pediatrician and perhaps the greatest living authority on the mental life of children.

As you know, each embryo passes through the entire prehistory of man, from our most primitive animal ancestors to the higher mammals. There is a fish stage. There is a fur stage. There is a stage at which the foetus has a tail. And so on.

If there is anyone still alive who doubts the Darwinian theory in any salient aspect, he should go to the nearest gynaecologist and ask her (or him) to show him aborted fetuses at various stages of growth.

I won't go into these details, but I will deal briefly with three questions:
1. What should you do if you want a baby and can't have one?

2. What should you do it you don't really want a baby but feel that your marriage might break up or suffer if you don't have one?

3. What should you do if you find you are going to have a baby and don't want one?

Inability to Conceive

What should you do it you want a baby and don't seem to be able to have one? I wish I could give you as firm and clear an answer on every other question as on this. The answer is: Go to the nearest doctor..both of you. The cause of your trouble may be perfectly harmless. Excessive acidity in the vagina, for instance, may destroy or neutralize the male sperm. There may be purely physical obstacles in the wife body that prevents the sperm from getting at the egg, for instance a displacement of the womb, or an inflammation somewhere that acts as a blockage. Or it may be something more serious that can be cleared away only with a major operation.

As often as not the husband is the responsible party- because there are not enough spermatozoa in his semen, or because the spermatozoa are ineffective, or because there is a stricture in the urethra, or because of venereal disease. Now don't get worried about the last item. It's no use keeping silent about it because it is by far the most frequent cause of infertility in the female and of sterility in the male.

Due to the secretiveness with which we surround everything pertaining to sex in our country, we have no reliable figures on venereal disease in the United States. My guess is that the majority of all adult Americans have either had venereal disease at one time or another or have it now. Most of them, though alas not all, go to the doctors, receive treatment (nowadays usually antibiotic injections) and are released as cured. And in fact, most males will by then be cured, at least of gonorrhea, to the extent that they won't infect anyone. But it may well be that by the time they go for treatment, the disease has already blocked the tube through which the spermatozoa pass. In other words, the man will produce semen - or what looks like semen until you look at it under the microscope and find that it's sterile.

But it may well be, too, that the wife is the responsible party, and in that case, gonorrhea may also be the cause. I've had many female patients who made it eminently clear to me that they never knew they'd ever been infected. I even believe those who tell me they've never had
sexual intercourse with a man. I've had three syphilitic and two gonorrheal patients who were technically virgins. Such things happen.

Saviors of a Shaky Marriage