Marriage Before and After the Ceremony

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Marriage Before and After the Ceremony

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The worst thing a couple can do prior to marriage is any kind of heavy petting. I am not saying this as a bluenose, for I have no objections at all to any form of premarital sex life that truly prepares the partners for the tasks which will face them in marriage. But petting, or making out, is a foolish thing for two reasons. First, because it train girls to try to attract the boy without actually giving him sexual boredom satisfaction; secondly, because it always takes place under circumstances and in surroundings which give us a wrong idea of what sexual intercourse can and should be.

The "successful" girl, the one who is a "good date," is the one who can stave off a boy's advances with hurting his feelings. This sounds like a good practice in social etiquette, but it's nothing of the kind. It's mischievous because it trains the female psyche to the constantly on the defensive. It is the worst that can happen to women because it kills the natural generosity and erects barriers which neither boys nor girls can ever overcome once it has been firmly cemented into a habit of thought, a habit of feeling, and a habit of behavior.

We must make up our minds whether we want to take words like modesty, chastity, and virginity at their face value or not. The one thing we can't do is to pay verbal homage to them, and then practice something else. If a woman has strong views on chastity and virginity, and if she has the will power to carry her views into practice, she may be greatly admired by a great many boys and girls. She won't kiss a boy or let him kiss her. She won't let him healing touch her breasts, and she won't touch his
racial effect on genital size. She won't accept the current American definition of the virgin as the girl who masturbates her boyfriend instead of letting him come into her. This modest virgin will have a lonely life because she won't have many dates. But that's the price she pays for virtue, and the price won't be too high for her.

On the other hand, for the overwhelming majority of American girls, the price is not only too high but positively senseless, and they should remember that they are facing another kind of risk if they lead a boy up to a point of excitement and then let him down with a bump. For that bump leaves a mark not only on his soul but on the girl's too. It is a mark that neither he nor she will ever be able to erase.

Once a girl gets herself into the habit of warding off a boy's advances, she won't be able to shake off the habit by the time she gets married. She'll consider him as an intruder who has to be fought off. She stands in serious danger of becoming frigid. Medical research has left no doubt at all that the main reason for so many American women's constitutional inability to become proper wives stems from the training they have received as girls, from the disciplines that their mothers and other females have urged upon them during the years of dating, petting, and making out. Once a girl has learned so firmly to say no, she can't learn overnight to say yes. Once her whole
sex education has taught her that it's immoral to say yes, she can't suddenly accept the truth that to say yes is not only moral but the most important single thing there is in marriage.

In short, the damage is done before the two young people even step before the altar. By the time they make their has not even begun. For this reason I can only repeat that it is absolutely essential for the two young people to get to know enough about each other to form a valid impression of their suitability, before they commit themselves to spending a lifetime together. For what they commit are not only their two young lives but those of their children and that of society as well.

Marriage Counseling Services

It's most instructive in this connection to read through the vast amount of literature put out each year by the family guidance institutes, the marriage counseling service, and other such peculiar American institutions that make the European blanch with horror. Let's look at some typical bits of advice lifted from different works of this sort. The following is directed to the young wife:

1. A wife should agree with her husband on all marital issues.
2. She should build up a better philosophy of life or strengthen her religious faith in any way necessary.

3. A wife should make her husband feel that she is interested in his work, and jealous of it.

4. She should try to establish the reputation of being a good wife and a good mother. She owes it to her husband.

5. She should express more love for her husband.

The first two bits of advice are patently unrealizable, and the other three come too late if they are given to the young woman by the time she is married. These are matters that should have formed part of mate selection, not of trying to save a marriage that is bound to be a wreck if these things have to be explained to one or the other party.

Frigidity in Women