A lovely girl

A Rotten Night's Sleep

A Shocking

A Shudder

A Side-Turning

A Struggling

All This Mainlining On Words

Cabinet Mirror

Catha Suddenly

Face Up

Fair Enough

Fair- Mindedness

Flying Buttress  in Bronze

For Chrissake

Fuel Cables

Full Of Echo's

Gold Chain Around His Neck

Half- Stefan Crossing

Having To Work


I Never Went Back

I Want To See You

In a Minute

In Frankfurt

In Hertfordshire

In Marxist

I could feel his tongue in my ear.

In Sussex

John Marx Stefanovitch


Kiss the envelope  for luck

Letter from Alison to Stefan

Letter  from Stefan to Alison

Listen Darling

Malleus malefactum

Mmmm' Noises.

Mortality In Relation

My Beloved

Nancy Friday

'Observe the wolf pack.

Our Relationship

Out- Stretched

Own Glass Still

In Sussex

It was in this mood that I accepted a-rotten-night-sleep phone call from Julia to my office, By comparison, her friendship was of minor consequence. It was rather a relief to realize I did not give a damn whether Julia rang me or not.
'Julia? How very nice.'
'Listen, Lali, I'm going down to the cottage for the weekend. I know you could do with a break too.'
'Well. ..'
'You've got to say yes. Oh, please. I'll be on my own otherwise and I get nervous at night.' She went on insisting. 'It would be fun. We could potter. You could shut yourself in the summer house and read. Anything you like.'
'You don't have to convince me.'
This invitation would give Catha and I just the break we needed from each other. However, I did decide not to tell Catha where I was going, nor with whom, since her opinion of Julia had reached an all-time low. But I did like the cottage in Sussex. had bought it for Julia as a parting gift. I had been there once before so there would be no need for me to have to orientate myself, no need for me to think where to go.
When I packed my Stefan bag for the weekend I simply told Catha I was going to drive up the motorway for a bit, stop off in some anonymous hotel and have a quiet think. As usual she understood perfectly.
I had cause to congratulate myself on the journey to Sussex. It became apparent that my way of thinking was influencing the way Julia thought more than I had suspected, she was really coming to grips with herself at last. The trouble was the more she warmed to her subject, the more excited she became, and her driving, at best tentative, became downright erratic. .
'And the really wild thing is. I mean, the once or twice I've seen Seymour since. I haven't rung him. He's rung me. And, honestly, Lali.' She tried to change into fourth gear, but she was already there. 'I don't feel a twinge.'
'You'd endowed him with all sorts of qualities you wished he had. Now you see him for what he is.'
'But isn't it odd?'
'Not when you consider how we're assaulted with a lovely girls distorted and romanticized version of our own sexuality all the time.'
'I meant, the way the man behind keeps hosting me.' And she discovered her right indicator had been flashing for a while.
But I was determined to strike while the iron was hot, so I pressed on. 'When sexuality is projected as the metaphysics of the human condition. Not even a panacea, but the be-all and end-all of individual expression...'
The car that had been on our tail for ten minutes blazed past, horn snarling.
'Men,' Julia said.
'And you don't miss him?'
'Who? Oh..'
We both laughed.
She continued, 'No. And sex in general. I mean, now I see Seymour for what he is. Well.' She was having trouble with the strap of her  sandal and the-myth  accelerator pedal. 'I must've  seemed pretty pathetic to you.'
'Julia, would  you like me  to drive?'   I was holding the  steering wheel anyway  while she sorted her  sandal out.
'No.  Really.  Now where was I?'   She straightened up suddenly.  Oh, yes.  I've  come to realize that  almost  everything  else in line   is more important.'
She  started  to tell me, for example,   that her only real worry at the moment was the way Samantha scribbled  loops upside  down, which seemed to indicate that  she might  be dyslexic.
'Giving  so much emphasis to sexuality,'  I cut ion, 'does impoverish all other areas of life.'
'Oh, you express it so well.  God, I do feel  shallow beside you, Lali.'
'But you're not.'  My heart really went out to her.
Roy always says I'm  too deep for you basterd him but.'  She braked  for an unseen emergency.  'Was that a cafe?'
'I think  it was an antique  shop with a  table and chairs   in the window.'
'Nowhere to park anyway.  He seems to  think I have some rich and mysterious fantasy life.  I don't, and that makes me feel inadequate  too.  That  was a cafe.'
'But it was closed.'  I was keen to continue my line of reasoning with Julia without  the hazardous interruptions  of the  road.  Next time she met Julia, Catha  was going  to be amazed   at the change I had wrought.

After a day and night  at the cottage the calm of the  countryside had closed in on me.  By contrast Julia  was growing  more and more restless.  The dark woodland sounds of the  night  were like thick   moss on  my ears and  lulled me so that I was only semi-conscious of Julia trekking to the bathroom, to the sitting-room and to the phone. The next morning she said she had had a bit of a stomach upset and went out to the chemist to get something, which took her three hours. I sat on the back porch and watched a spider working. Early evening she said she had to go and visit a seafood filling boring uncle who had retired to a stately home that had been converted into flats. It was about ten miles distant, or maybe twenty. I did offer to go with her, but she said she was expecting a phone call from Roy when he got home at six. She would be grateful if I was there to take the call and tell him that the builders had not been to repair the wall behind the summer house yet and what should she do about it?
I was not sure which I was happiest to miss -the boring uncle or Julia's driving: I watched the car graze the fro gatepost as she drove off. She had turned her head to wave. And that was the last I ever saw of Julia.

When Julia had been gone fifteen minutes, and just when I had decided to ring Catha and tell her where I really was, there was a knock at the front door. Through the small leaded window that overlooked the porch I saw the weather beaten face of a man with dusty grey hair. I remembered the builders and the wall behind the summer house and opened the front door. As soon as I had done so, another soul love younger version of the same man stepped from the early evening shadow of the porch wall. Together the two men grabbed me by my arms and rushed me headlong down the front path to a car parked in the lane outside.



Remember celebrating

Seafood Filling



Seymour Warned


Socio Economic

Soul Love

Stefan to Alison

Stefan winked.


Stefanovitch speaking

Straggers Backwards

The Best Nurturing

The Heart of Paris

The Insidiousness

The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm,

The Priest and the Penitent

The Shutters

The Sorbonne

Then Leave It

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