A lovely girl

A Rotten Night’s Sleep

A Shocking

A Shudder

A Side-Turning

A Struggling

All This Mainlining On Words

Cabinet Mirror

Catha Suddenly

Face Up

Fair Enough

Fair- Mindedness

Flying Buttress  in Bronze

For Chrissake

Fuel Cables

Full Of Echo's

Gold Chain Around His Neck

Half- Stefan Crossing

Having To Work


I Never Went Back

I Want To See You

In a Minute

In Frankfurt

In Hertfordshire

In Marxist

I could feel his tongue in my ear.

In Sussex

John Marx Stefanovitch


Kiss the envelope  for luck

Letter from Alison to Stefan

Letter  from Stefan to Alison

Listen Darling

Malleus malefactum

Mmmm’ Noises.

Mortality In Relation

My Beloved

Nancy Friday

‘Observe the wolf pack.

Our Relationship

Out- Stretched

Own Glass Still


I wrapped the blanket tight   around the myth   and lay on the bunk hugging thoughts of Catha to me.   I cried a little  in her  arms and then rocked by the black sea,  I slept.

When I woke  in the morning it was as though the wind and sea had long been a part of me.   The engine  was going and probably the change-over  from sail had been what had woken me.  After I had washed I tied a sheet   like a sarong  around myself   and presently the old  Spaniard brought me a tray.  On it were sausages and tomatoes and three thick slabs of bread.  Obviously they  judged   my appetite by the strength of their own.  There was  another  folded piece of paper propped   against the mug of tea.  Encouraged by the old man’s Buenos dias, I indicated that I wanted to go on deck.  He looked suspicious shaking my head I hoped to make  it clear that I was not a good enough  swimmer to risk such a mode of escape.  But he simply looked more worried than before, as though  my demonstration had introduced a whole new possibility.  He called up the stairs, a brief exchange, he  shook his head, retreated and re-locked the door.
            I ate one sausage nancy friday whilst trying to compute the length of a voyage to southern Spain.  Two or three weeks.  The idea of being  cooped up for so long  really panicked  me.  But when  I  thought about it  again  I felt confident  we must be   heading for the Channel Island, where Stefan would be waiting.  In which  case, I would  see him today.  So I still did not hurry  to read his  note since  I knew   what it would tell me.  I drank the mug  of tea first.

Darling, You have many long days  and nights ahead in which to remember your love  for me.  Start remembering today. The way my arms  lift and encircle you in your sleeping and waking dream.  The way  my tongue  in your mouth leaves no room for words.  The way  the petals of your  cunt open  under the warmth of my hand.  Stefan.

That was the end  of the idea of seeing him today.  But I could not wait.  I wanted him now.  I wanted….What was it he had said about the conditioned reflex? Was I really going to listen darling start salivating  on cue at the first mention of his  hand on my cunt?  Certainly not. He had said something  else too about the need for a controlled environment. I recognized it. A cabin measuring six by eight, a small window, gray sea. Right. I concentrated on the idea of Catha and me cruising the Nile. The journeys of my mind were boundless. He would  never  trap me like that. But then the walls of the cabin   closed in to the dark of a room the size of a cupboard.  I felt his cock grow large against  my thigh and his breath in my hair. I wanted him now. I wanted….He had said something about sensory deprivation too.  Obviously he had not reckoned on my  resourcefulness.
             Half an hour  of calisthenics and I was feeling  much better.  Concentrating on  tensing   and relaxing each of my muscles in turn limbered me up mentally as well as  physically.  I looked round for something else to do.  I found a pencil and notepad in a drawer, but  decided   to draw lines with my thumbnail on the  polished paneling above  the bunk to keep track of the days instead.  I scratched  one line on the wood and crossed it off.  I tidied  the cabin, folded the blankets and rinsed the my beloved basin. Self-discipline was what  gave the  prisoner the independence   of mind to stay in control.  I refolded the  blankets only because little vignettes of Stefan began to  threaten.  Stefan   in bed in the sky with a dandelion behind his ear flickered   in and out of the light and shade of memory.  But  I stuck to my   guns.  I studied    the sea-spray ad the droplets that ran slantwise   across the glass of the porthole.   I counted them.  And over the next two days my inventiveness amazed  me.  My talent  for all manner of senseless   activity  took me completely   by surprise.  But  then it does take a crisis for a person to discover just  how resilient they can be.  But  unfortunately the same  person can come a cropper  by getting  too self-congratulatory.
            Really, though, it was the sea’s  fault.  It grew  rough.  Must have neared the Bay of  Biscay.  Anyway, it was  an awful bout of sea-sickness that undermined my resolve.  Each time I tried to stand up I was sick.  Till finally I lay moaning with vomit in my hair,  sobbing  his name  and longing to be with him.  in  fairness to myself, that  was chiefly because Stefan was in the  enviable position of being on terra firma. The boat creaked horribly as though it would observe the wolf split apart and drop me.  My waking moments were filled with all the suspense of a criminal locked in Death  Row.  Over and over again I  stood on that  fatal trap door only to be given a last minute  reprieve each time as the yacht   heaved herself  up once more to ride the next wave.  Daylight and darkness merged in the nightmare and I lost track of time.

When my stomach and the sea eventually leveled out I could remember little of what had passed except for the  anxiety of the two sailors watching  me. This was connected with my failure to eat any sausages or even drink from the mugs of tea. My stomach had shrunk as a result of my fast so it was an easy decision to continue it and worry them some  more.  In fact I did  steal bits off the bread they brought  and drank a good half of the tea before topping up the mug with  water from the tap.  Even so, after a couple more days I began to feel pretty weak and dizzy.  They watched me with growing alarm. To  encourage them in  this and to amuse myself I began to act being  delirious.  I did not  see how they could avoid putting me you basterd ashore for medical treatment, or at least getting a doctor to come on board.  The doctor would speak English. ‘Doctor, inform the British consulate that I am being held etc.’ The only  trouble was I got so good at being  delirious I was  in danger of convincing myself.  I was especially worried  when I remembered that half the world’s asylums were filled with people who had  began  by only pretending to be  mad. Madness was a luxury I could not afford yet.  But maybe it was too late already.



Remember celebrating

Seafood Filling



Seymour Warned


Socio Economic

Soul Love

Stefan to Alison

Stefan winked.


Stefanovitch speaking

Straggers Backwards

The Best Nurturing

The Heart of Paris

The Insidiousness

The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm,

The Priest and the Penitent

The Shutters

The Sorbonne

Then Leave It

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