A lovely girl

A Rotten Night’s Sleep

A Shocking

A Shudder

A Side-Turning

A Struggling

All This Mainlining On Words

Cabinet Mirror

Catha Suddenly

Face Up

Fair Enough

Fair- Mindedness

Flying Buttress  in Bronze

For Chrissake

Fuel Cables

Full Of Echo's

Gold Chain Around His Neck

Half- Stefan Crossing

Having To Work


I Never Went Back

I Want To See You

In a Minute

In Frankfurt

In Hertfordshire

In Marxist

I could feel his tongue in my ear.

In Sussex

John Marx Stefanovitch


Kiss the envelope  for luck

Letter from Alison to Stefan

Letter  from Stefan to Alison

Listen Darling

Malleus malefactum

Mmmm’ Noises.

Mortality In Relation

My Beloved

Nancy Friday

‘Observe the wolf pack.

Our Relationship

Out- Stretched

Own Glass Still

The Sorbonne

‘I was so humiliated last time, Lali,’ I said.   ‘Because  really I felt he only wanted to be with you.’
            ‘Sorry, Julia, but  that could be out  strongest  card.  I mean, that  I turn him on. If  I could get  him to like me  even more than he already  does- and  then withhold from him the way he does  from you-   I could  maybe dictate the terms of your  relationship and refuse him unless   he includes you.  Unless, in fact, he gives you your super   fuck first he gets sod all from me.’
            The  simplicity of  her plan I found  quite  moving.  But I did wonder  about  snags.  I just   hoped the outcome would not be as difficult to handle  as the    answers to  her deceptively  easy questions.  However, I was in no position to quibble.  And  anyway  I loved her for her boldness and her attention to detail for my sake.  I wondered  about   if I owed this to our  common bond with Stefan.
            ‘We have a common bond without Stefan.’  She  was  adamant.  ‘We are women.  And I don’t like  seeing  a sister victimized in this way.  Oh,  but I’ll be straight with you- I’m  in the mood for a diversion.  I haven’t  had a man since  left.  In fact I’m  pretty sure now that at  base  I am asexual and I’m  ready to put this new theory  of mine to the test.’
            ‘Oh, honestly, Lali.’  Her seriousness Stefan was touching.  The way she could be so astute about other people’s psychology and so blind about her own made me feel I wanted to kiss her.  I mean, she had frightened me so many times by the sharpness of her insights and yet here she was being quite naïve above her own last-ditch stand at self-defence.  But  by the time we had promised each other to work out  details of the plan  before  Thursday, I was feeling triumphant  and much more  decisive  than I had been  before  I had managed to speak  to her.
            It was not easy to hang onto this mood  until Thursday.  But every time I felt my courage slipping  I rang Alison and she built   up my confidence  again until we ended  up having a real laugh.
            On Thursday Roy said he could no longer  put his foot  to the  ground  and it was obvious  that  gangrene  was setting in and something  would   have to be  done quickly to avoid amputation of the  left  leg below  the knee.   I called the doctor, who came  and suggested  he rest in bed  for the day.  Samantha  was being  fractious so the  doctor looked  at her in sussex too and said the slight   flush on her  chest  could be German measles or a heat  rash.  Mary had bough herself    a cheap student  ticket  for a flight  to Berlin, had quarreled with the German  boyfriend, and was spending the rest of the day on the phone  trying   to sell off her  ticket.  The boyfriend  arrived and politely explained to me that since my phone was engaged  all the time he had  had to come round in person.  He slapped Mary’s face and then they had to have the sitting-room to themselves to make it up.  At which point I rushed down the road to a public call-box and rang Alison and then Seymour to call  the whole  thing off until the following Thursday.
            It was the genuine  disappointment  in Seymour’s  voice, when I had  expected  him to be  angry,  that made me feel  particularly  wretched.  He said he had missed me.    That he was a fool ever to think he could do without me. And never mind that I had rung Alison and cancelled. Could I not just spare an hour for him and wear my blue-fox jacket?  I said that I could not.
            When I  got home I must  have looked  so in my ear dejected that  Roy said he was sure  he could hold the fort  for an hour or  so.  He could shout loudly and bang his shoe on the floor.  If the  house  was subject to a police raid   while  I was out,  he would deny all knowledge of the Red  Brigade;  he advised me to do the same on my return- this in deference to the shouting match going  on in the sitting-room.  Unless, what was the Red  brigade; he advised me to do the same on my return – this in deference to the  shouting  match going on in the  sitting-room.  Unless, that was, the Red Brigade had taken him hostage first, in which case I should   spill the beans.  But fast.  In the event, I fixed up the baby alarm  by his bed.  When he shouted into that  Samantha went rigid  with shock in the  kitchen  where the  loudspeaker was I put on my blue-fox  jacket and left.

All in all I was in such a state driving to Seymour’s that I forgot to stop at the deli and buy him something  nice to eat. I worked  hard to get myself calmed down.  Every time I changed gear I checked my frown lines in rear-view mirror.  Bad.  With the window    down I took deep breaths and reminded  my self that my  brain had not always been  scrambled   egg.  I had the proof.  Three old notebooks  which I sometimes take out and look at with a   mixture  of awe  and incredulity.  My notes on Victor Hugo, Baudelaire and Proust,  a testament to my  scholarship that had  faded over the years into a docile willingness to be   taught. I had  been studying French literature at the Sorbonne  and feeling rater  George Sandisk  in a black  linen trouser-suit when Stefan  found me.  It was not long before I discovered  myself   in his rooms in the Rue Fontaine minus the trouser suit.  I had been shy and asked him to close the  shutters.   This he did, but promptly  switched on all the   lights,  including the one  right beside  the bed.  He said that  closing  my eyes would approximate  the effect of being in a room that was dimly   lit.  I closed my eyes because he was kissing   me with great  gentleness and his eyes  were wide open.  Once I was satisfied that  his full attention  was on my mouth,  I relaxed a little.  And he straightway laid   me back on the bed and used his legs   very slowly to  push mine far apart.  I was  appalled when he said he wanted to kiss me down  there and take a look.  Both  my beloved hands flews   to shield  myself from his gaze.  He laughed  because he was delighted to find such innocence beneath a sophisticated  exterior and, with reference  to the trouser suit, he called  me his a la mode  virgin.  I explained   that  I  hardly qualified  as a virgin.  In fact I got quite  huffy, which  pleased him even more.  I went  on to explain that  I had  had three men, mostly my own age  and, if not in the dark, then under a decent  covering  of sheets.  Stefan  had respected my quaint modesty until after he made love to me, and with a strength and concentration that verged on wildness and yet was interlaced   with.



Remember celebrating

Seafood Filling



Seymour Warned


Socio Economic

Soul Love

Stefan to Alison

Stefan winked.


Stefanovitch speaking

Straggers Backwards

The Best Nurturing

The Heart of Paris

The Insidiousness

The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm,

The Priest and the Penitent

The Shutters

The Sorbonne

Then Leave It

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